I wasn’t certain I wanted kids, but if I did, I had this clear idea of what that family would look like.
In my visions of my family, we would all sit around the campfire on family trips singing along and being happy. At home, in the evening, we’d sit together and watch our favourite tv show. At bed time, I’d lovingly tuck my kids into bed while reading them stories.
When my brothers were little, I’d read them stories at bed time. Playing house. A sign of my happy future.
Making the decision
Suddenly, fast forward a few (many) years and at age 31 I’m discussing starting “that” family with my husband. We are both clear on the matter. We want to have one child biologically and adopt our second child. We agree that we are the kinds of people who will love our children equally whether they are adopted or biological and it just makes sense to us.
So I go off the pill. We describe what we’re doing as “trying without trying.” This confuses a lot of people and takes a bit of explaining. We aren’t watching the calendar or taking my temperature. We just aren’t preventing a pregnancy. So when it happens – it happens. I think this is probably the least stressful approach and at 31, there’s still a bit of time before I need to stress about my clock ticking by.
The waiting game
Months go by and then a year. A full year and nothing happens. So we get checked. Turns out we can’t conceive naturally and will have to go the IVF route. Okay, I’m upset but I’m not gutted. After all, the worst case scenario is that we adopt both children. Still, I think about the fact that I may not be able to conceive my baby, I want to experience being pregnant just once. I know already that one time will be enough for me but I’m a bit sad that perhaps I will never get to experience that feeling at all.
Decision time – IVF
Coming to terms with reality, we sit down and discuss the ideal time to start our family. Now that everything has become so much more clinical, things need to be considered. For a start, the costs involved. It’s not a cheap process and may or may not take on the first attempt. We decide on September 2015. For some reason, that seems like a good time to start trying for a family.
In the meantime, I’m going to get started with my plan to work from home. I want to be a stay at home mom. I’ve always said that but I know that I need something that is just mine to focus on and to keep my mind active. So I start blogging.
The end of the holiday fun
Soon it’s Christmas, we have family staying with us and before I know it, New Year is over and I’m struggling to recover from all the fun we’ve had over the Christmas season. I guess I just can’t handle things like I used to.
I’ve been feeling so nauseous for days. I guess I should slow down on the wine. Perhaps if I cut out all the rich food my heartburn will also stop. I keep telling my husband, there’s something wrong with me but I pour back the Gaviscon hoping it’ll take away the burn.
I meet some old friends from high school for a reunion picnic. We laze around and we talk about the years since school. It has been fifteen years already. Where has all the time gone? There’s a lot of catching up to do. I can’t understand why I’m the only one sweating in the heat.
A few days later, I wake up and I say, I think we need to buy a pregnancy test. We laugh about it. Obviously that’s not the issue. The Dr told us that wasn’t possible. We buy the test just in case, throwing it into the basket right next to the monthly supply of pills for period pain. I can’t live without those.
The next morning I wake up, bright and early and stumble into the bathroom. Only just remembering I need to pee on a stick. So I do. I put it down on the window sill and I carry on with my morning routine. At some point, I glance over. There it is. A double line.
WHAT THE F#CK?????
So I run into the room with my double lined stick in tow and I exclaim loudly…
um I think I’m pregnant! This can’t be possible…go and get the damn most expensive test they have.
I’m giddy with excitement but at the same time, I’m confused and I don’t want to be too excited in case this is some sort of mistake. It’s not possible. Is it?
So Gerard gets back with the fanciest test he can find. Again. I pee on a stick.
Again. The result is clear. This one, more sophisticated, has no lines just a small electronic window that clearly states “pregnant 3weeks+.”
Come September 2015, instead of starting to try for our family, we will be having our baby!
Isn’t it funny how things turn out?