My Dance With Morphine – An Induced Madness
A long long time ago (okay not so long ago, more like two short months ago), I had a little visit to ICU. It wasn’t a long visit (only ten days) and nothing much can be recorded from my time there, with the exception of a little near death experience, lots of pain and even more hard core drugs!
I say hardcore drugs because until my visit to ICU, I have nothing to compare the experience to. I am by no means the kind of person who experiments with drugs. I’m WAY too much of a control freak you see. So here begins my tale of wonder and magic and absolutely horrendous terror!!
My wounds were serious (huge wound into my body cavity), my pain even more serious! I had an epidural for the first part but when that wore off holy hell was the pain severe! Enter Mr Morphine!
One of the days that my mother was visiting, I INSISTED that there was a man climbing scaffolding behind her in my little ICU glass box. In spite of being told there was no one there – I kept harping on and on and on about the damn man on the scaffolding. Okay, not the end of the world. (but I swear he was)
Another fun one was when I asked my family; “is the place flooded” and when they answered “no” my question to them, which obviously was perfectly sensible was; “then why are we all in canoes”… yes… CANOES, in ICU in a hospital.
That night, the old man coughing and rambling random words in the room besides mine became a NAZI general and I was TERRIFIED! I mean absolutely terrified to go to sleep because this man (who could not even sit without assistance) was going to come and kill me in my sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified of anyone or anything.
Reality and hallucinations became one and the same thing. To me, everything was weird and creepy and so surreal. Like being told there is nothing there was the strangest thing to hear. BUT I CAN SEE IT RIGHT THERE!
For a control freak, this is something else. I became so paranoid that even the nurse (who granted was an evil bitch to me) checking my machines was trying to kill me off. I suppose my body trying to kill me wasn’t enough. I had to invent some crazy nemesis at every turn.
No, I don’t get the whole taking recreational drug thing. If it’s anything like my experience with morphine then no thanks. You can keep your fun!
Have you ever had morphine? Tell me about your experience! Is it always like this or just me?