I see it happen all the time, for freaks sake, I’ve been there. I’ve been that person saying “but I love him” or “but we love each other” but looking back, the truth is, love is just not enough. It should be, it should make the world go round and all that fluff but it doesn’t. Loving someone who does not love you back, is not worth it. It’s not enough and it never should be.
I think we accept the love we think we deserve. The more we grow to love ourselves, the less likely we are to let someone else make us feel inferior. We need to start with ourselves if we want to be loved and to love in a relationship that works instead of settling for anything less.
Once upon a time, I had a crush on this guy. He was so awesome and so cool and most of all, he was into me. He asked me on a date and I was thrilled. When I asked him where we’d be going, he said “whale watching and whistle hunting” and I was confused but intrigued. Turns out what he meant was to a dive bar to drink cheap beer. Which was okay too. We had a good time. I liked him so much.
Alarm bells should have been ringing when on the way to said dive bar, he told me he was still in love with his ex.
We dated for a year and a half. I told him I loved him, he said thank you.
Our entire relationship was about me trying to win him over. Trying to be cooler and more exciting than this ex that he couldn’t let go of.
She thought I was crazy not letting him speak to her or hang out with her. I was young and insecure and I was foolish. I learnt a lot from that relationship.
I learnt for a start that if someone doesn’t love you for who you are, nothing you do is going to change that.
You can’t turn into someone who they love no matter how many things you change about yourself. Living like that is just exhausting and it’s draining and it’s never going to work.
No matter how hard you try, loving someone who doesn’t love you back is never going to be enough.
You know what does work though?
Being authentic, being yourself and deciding to love yourself first. You’ve got to love the hell out of yourself and the biggest part of that means not settling.
Never settle for someone who doesn’t love you.
Never settle for someone who wants you to be someone who you are not.