Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many

Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many | Tyranny of Pink

Things are not always what they seem!

That’s a fact.

Things are not always as they seem; the first appearance deceives many. Phaedrus #QOTD Click To Tweet

My friend Cass wrote a post on her blog Leather Jacket Foxes (how cool is this name?) about the difference between online and offline lives and I think you should read it. It really made sense to me and is something I’ve had to remind myself a lot since becoming more involved in the online world. You can’t compare your journey to that of other bloggers. They show you what they want you to see.

The same is true for others outside of the blogging world too.

Some people only show you the parts of their life that they want you to see. They tell you the stories that reflect them in a good light. They dress in a way that portrays them in a certain way. They buy certain brands, they go to specific places and then bring all of that into their online persona too.

The bottom line is that you don’t always get the real version of someone’s life.

You don’t get to see the parts behind the smile!

You get the curated and tailored one that they want you to see.

You need to be careful that you don’t buy into what they’re selling to you and let yourself feel inadequate because of it.

The car that they are driving that wouldn’t even fit in your garage is probably where they are spending most of their salary every month. Don’t judge your own worth by someone else’s portrayal of wealth. Driving a fancy car DOES NOT make a person successful.

Don’t Compare Your Life to Someone’s High-Light Reel Click To Tweet

Driving a fancy car that is owned by the bank that lost 20% of its value the second it left the show room floor in not an indication of wealth or success. So don’t let it make you feel inferior.

Don’t look at their holidays and feel like your life is inadequate because you don’t get to fly off to the Maldives. Who knows, perhaps they’re crying themselves to sleep because they can’t find love.

Things are not always as they seem!

Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many | Tyranny of Pink

Don’t buy into the bullshit that people sell to you. Remember that everything you see is what they want you to see.

It’s not “cool” to post the photos of you crying alone at night so instead, we post the photos of us smiling with the biggest glass of wine. No one realises that the only way you got through the day is by drinking that wine.

Nope, it’s not “cool” to be weak and to have emotions and to fall apart.

It’s “cool” to look like you have it all. The champagne lifestyle, the big house, the fancy car, the happy relationship, the perfect child, the perfect life.

A friend asked me recently how I was doing and I said I’m struggling because my child is behaving like a little asshole and he said it’s funny to see what mom’s post in public about their children and what they say in private. This really hit home.

I love my child. He is truly my #perfectchild but he also has days when nothing is okay. He cries over everything and he behaves like the world is coming to an end and I don’t know what to do other than just cry. I love him more than anything but being a mom has been the biggest challenge of my life. He makes everything worth it but it’s not easy.

You have to make so many sacrifices to be a parent. Everything is harder than it used to be. Does it mean I have regrets? Not even the smallest one. I love my life. But sometimes, it’s hard!

Don’t let people mislead you just because they don’t broadcast the hard parts of their lives. Just because they only share the things that make their lives look enviable. Everyone has baggage that they carry around with them not knowing how to let go.

Just because it’s not instagrammed, doesn’t mean it’s not there!

Don’t spend your life comparing yourself to what other people show you. You really never really know what their truth is so instead, just be you, just do you and just live your life the best way you know how!

Things are not always as they seem; the first appearance deceives many. Phaedrus

Things are not always what they seem | Tyranny of Pink

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14 Discussion to this post

  1. Shaveh says:

    Your writing is so beautifully blunt and real, I loved reading it. This topic is all consuming for my everyday life and trying to teach my kids that unique is imperfect and that comparisons aren’t worth it – is especially hard when my own conditioning is needing work in every way. Thanks for the straight reminder that “real” needs to be put out there more.

    • Thank you Shaveh, it’s funny people either appreciate how blunt I am (I’m like this in real life too) or they absolutely hate it but I think sometimes, just stating things as they are is the easiest way. It’s so important to just be who we are and live the most real version of our lives. It’s a great lesson to teach your kids. Thanks for reading xoxo

  2. Colette says:

    Great piece, Jonelle. Social media has exacerbated this but real life is much the same. No one knows what goes on behind our walls and fences. People base opinions on absolutely nothing. They could see you driving a friend’s car and their opinion is formed. They could know who your mother or father are and their opinion is formed without ever having had a single conversation with you. Humanity suffers many illnesses of the mind. This is but one. It is a constant battle to be and stay true to who you are because sometimes we are not even sure of who that is when faced with new challenges or information. We’re evolving. What a wonderous journey of discovery it is though and one too exciting to allow it to be tainted by the opinions, appearances or aspirations of others. Just got to keep letting your own gloriousness (and awfulness) unfold and surprise you by trusting the process.

    • Thank you Colette! You’re so right! I think we both probably know well what it’s like to be judged by who your parents are and it was quite eye opening for me to live in a city where I became such an unknown. People will jump to whatever conclusions serve them best and I really think that says a lot about who they are and what matters in their own lives. People measure themselves up against the standards brought to us in the media which is absurd, not even the models look like they do in magazines. I always think back to years ago when Boomshaka were big and an expose revealed that they were slumming it in an apartment so that they could drive fancy cars just because they needed that image. It’s such a shame that we buy in to these ideas of what is real and what matters. When really, we should just focus on being happy! Thanks for your insightful comment.

  3. Tamarah says:

    This is such a regular topic in our family. Social media vs real life. Sadly, I’ve been fighting the need to justify the purchase of a new vehicle ever since reading your post, mainly because I realised the impression our car will make has nothing to do with our reality. It’s so important to realise that even in the actual encounters we have with people, we’re often only seeing what they choose to show us. It’s a pity that society is so much more focused on projected image than honest living. It can sap the joy right out of life.

    • This whole post was triggered initially by someone asking me don’t I feel bad that my car is so small and everyone at odens school drives huge fancy cars. It doesn’t upset me in the least. If someone wants a huge car then that’s cool. If you wanted a new car just for the hell of it, that’s cool too. I need a bigger car because our car seat doesn’t allow me to sit in the passenger seat when we are all together but it would never be about “fitting in”. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone ever. Just live your life. Other people need to learn that they can’t assume they know your life just because you drive whatever car. It really can sap the joy out. Congratulations on your car. That’s so exciting ❤

      • Tamarah says:

        The too small thing and the lack of reliability were our concerns, too. Thank you, it is extremely exciting. Our first very grown up purchase 😀 For the most part, fortunately, we just don’t give a rat’s tail about others’ opinions. It’s very useful.

        • You absolutely need a reliable car. It’s different when you have a child. Life stops being about you and the safety of your child is such a high priority. Ahhh that’s even more exciting that it’s your first grown up purchase. Good for you. Never stop being you ☺

  4. First all, yes and yes and another big fat YES!!!

    Loved this post! It’s time consuming and a big waste of energy comparing someone else’s highlight reel with our everyday lives! Am I right? Eventually we will never feel like we are enough, and like what we have is just not good enough….

    Well said beautiful !!!!

    Secondly, thanks for the love and for the mention – means the world to me, truly X

    • Ahhh I’m so glad you enjoyed it lovely! I really loved your post and it really hit a nerve with me. All the years of being jealous that I don’t have the huge following and the high stats that other bloggers have but they’ve been doing it for YEARS and it’s ridiculous to compare. You’re TOTALLY right, such a waste of time! We were ALWAYS enough <3 Thanks for reading xoxo

  5. Celeste says:

    This is so, so true. I wish my girls could read this and truly understand the meaning of your words.
    It’s for these reasons that I feel my (almost 14yo) daughter is not ready for social media. Being a teen is hard enough without having to live up to and/or compete with a farce.

    • I’d be so terrified of letting my child on social media, in fact, I don’t think I’d want my daughter even reading beauty magazines. Just thinking about the airbrushing and photoshopping that goes on. There isn’t any truth in magazines either. Life is a constant battle between trying to find perfection and comparing yourself to what perfection is supposed to be. I wish we could just embrace being who we are. It’s true what you say, being a teen is hard enough without the farce! x

  6. Bonnie says:

    So well said! So many people walk around wearing the masks of their public personas.
    So much easier to show the world that part of you than the real deal. Human, flawed and real. Some days are great, some not so much but as you say, most people aren’t showing pics of themselves crying themselves to sleep. It’s the happy stuff we share.
    💜💜💜

    • Public personas! So true! There is this way we should behave, I think that’s what makes social interaction so difficult for me. It’s hard for me to maintain the pretence that everything is awesome when it isn’t. When someone asks how you are, the answer is “fine” not ever the truth! Don’t you dare tell anyone you cried yourself to sleep! How would anyone think your life is perfect then!

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