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Being Resilient

2015 was a really hectic year for me. There were so many downs and a really really huge up with the birth of my son but after spending months at the hospital, I was ready to put the year behind me. After all, a new year represents new beginnings and fresh starts and all things wonderful that come with starting a new page in a new book. So on New years eve when my husband insisted that we go to the hospital, I point-blank refused. The pain and discomfort I

It’s nearly the end of the year. Christmas is around the corner, literally a few days away and I thought that makes it a pretty good time to do some reflecting over the last year. Blog life I started my blog in January, after a short attempt at blogging unofficially and discovering that writing is my absolute passion. Someone asked me long ago to think about pursuing a life as a writer and I brushed her off. Well, turns out I spent an awful lot of my life having no

The year, started off quite nicely. Nothing fancy, just a little celebration in our home. A good way to bring in the new year. Half way through the year however, my grandfather became ill and discovered that he had already-too-advanced-to-bother-with-treatment-cancer. We basically waited for the next couple of months for the inevitable. He deteriorated very rapidly and died soon after that. My grandmother has since been slipping away into a world where her dementia allows her to cope with her grief. Did I mention he died while I was in

Recently, I posted several articles about my near death experience. Not your regular birth story There is always something to be thankful for  It’s not an exaggeration, I nearly died. Why? Because I lived my life without ever being diagnosed with Endometriosis. In high school, not a month went by that I didn’t find myself at the school nurse. I wondered to myself, why didn’t other girls suffer like I did every month. Surely having your period didn’t mean that the world had to come to a standstill. When the

When you think of colostomy bags, your mind immediately goes to old people. It’s such a stigmatised thing that no one talks about it and people certainly don’t share the information willingly that they have one. It’s just something that is not spoken of. If you regularly read my blog, you will know I’ve recently had serious surgery. If you don’t know then read these posts; Not your regular birth story There is always something to be thankful for  Well one of the delightful outcomes of my nightmare experience was

I always thought to myself that sudden death was the worst kind on those who are left behind. I thought that dying without notice and without getting to say goodbye was the most selfish of all acts. After all, we are left behind with all our questions and our unfinished conversations. We are left to wonder, on our own. We are left without knowing what could have been. We are left. Recently, I’ve discovered that an illness, that comes either gradually, or over a long and drawn out period of

Do you know those moments when you’ve just gotten really bad news and you don’t know what to do with yourself? I’m currently having one of those moments. I’ve tried to work and been so distracted that I gave up so I decided to watch series but I have no idea what I just watched so I decided to mess around on the internet but then I didn’t know where to even start so I found myself back here. Writing. As far back as I can remember, writing has brought

She lay her hand on my pregnant belly and I hated myself for thinking what if that’s the last time. I looked at her hand, shaking and covered in wrinkles and I wondered if my son would ever see her smile. I can’t help wondering how little time they have left. I can’t help myself from feeling like the world is about to cheat me. As if them dying is somehow about me. It isn’t. It simply is what it is. Oh to be young and naive When we’re young,

I try to be positive. I honestly believe that thinking negatively gets you nowhere but sometimes you wake up and the world just seems like a fucking crap place. Maybe that’s somehow supposed to teach me to be more grateful but maybe it just is what it is. Just a really crap day. On Wednesday I heard some pretty bad news. Well, it was news about a member of my family with a tumour which has the potential to be cancerous. I feel like the world is kicking me in the teeth.

Life isn’t always the kindest. Sometimes it knocks us to our knees. We could be walking along one second and the next, we’re down on the ground not knowing what the f*ck just happened. It’s in those moments that we are defined. The way I see it, we can react in two ways. We can keep lying on the ground or we can get the hell up and figure out where to next. This is big talk. It’s really not easy but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. Nothing worth having

Some relationships come with a sell by date, you know the types, you meet, you fall in love but deep down inside you know that it’ll never work. You know that what you want and what they want just doesn’t match up. You want to work on your career, he wants you to settle down and have a big family. He wants to party till dawn, you just want to snuggle on the couch. You’re so incompatible that sometimes you find yourself making lists in your head about what you

Every night when I go to sleep, I lie there for hours wishing my parents had gotten back together. Sometimes, when I really think about it properly, I even cry a little over the things I’ve missed as a result of their divorce. Convinced? I hope not but this is the kind of crap people are still asking me 29 years later. Don’t you wish they had gotten back together? Didn’t you miss out on a huge part of your childhood? Don’t you think about how different your life would

It’s no secret that I’ve had my fair share of experience with death. It went something along the lines of, never having had experienced the death of a loved one to the loss of a cousin, cousin’s husband, aunt, father, great-grandmother and grandmother all in the space of a few years. Death fucking sucks There is no way around that. There are no euphemisms that change the way it makes you feel. The bereaved… sounds so friendly. Death is not friendly. The deceased. Cut the crap. Just call a spade

This post is heavy. Obviously. It’s about grief. It’s about coping with grief. I just think when you spend so much time thinking about how you can be happy in the world, its important to address the challenges that make you unhappy too and let’s face it, grief is one of those things. If there’s one thing I’m pretty experienced in, it’s loss. How much does that suck? I’ve heard all the words of comfort that there are to hear and people are just doing the best that they can

Depression It isn’t something people like to talk about. Admitting that you have depression is a sign of weakness and something we are taught not to talk about in public. When someone asks you “how are you?” we are programmed to respond with “fine thanks” even if we aren’t. Why does depression have such a bad reputation? Why have we over the years learned to hide our feelings and instead try to cope on our own? It could happen to anyone When I was a teenager, there were many many

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