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Being Resilient

She lay her hand on my pregnant belly and I hated myself for thinking what if that’s the last time. I looked at her hand, shaking and covered in wrinkles and I wondered if my son would ever see her smile. I can’t help wondering how little time they have left. I can’t help myself from feeling like the world is about to cheat me. As if them dying is somehow about me. It isn’t. It simply is what it is. Oh to be young and naive When we’re young,

I try to be positive. I honestly believe that thinking negatively gets you nowhere but sometimes you wake up and the world just seems like a fucking crap place. Maybe that’s somehow supposed to teach me to be more grateful but maybe it just is what it is. Just a really crap day. On Wednesday I heard some pretty bad news. Well, it was news about a member of my family with a tumour which has the potential to be cancerous. I feel like the world is kicking me in the teeth.

Life isn’t always the kindest. Sometimes it knocks us to our knees. We could be walking along one second and the next, we’re down on the ground not knowing what the f*ck just happened. It’s in those moments that we are defined. The way I see it, we can react in two ways. We can keep lying on the ground or we can get the hell up and figure out where to next. This is big talk. It’s really not easy but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. Nothing worth having

Some relationships come with a sell by date, you know the types, you meet, you fall in love but deep down inside you know that it’ll never work. You know that what you want and what they want just doesn’t match up. You want to work on your career, he wants you to settle down and have a big family. He wants to party till dawn, you just want to snuggle on the couch. You’re so incompatible that sometimes you find yourself making lists in your head about what you

Every night when I go to sleep, I lie there for hours wishing my parents had gotten back together. Sometimes, when I really think about it properly, I even cry a little over the things I’ve missed as a result of their divorce. Convinced? I hope not but this is the kind of crap people are still asking me 29 years later. Don’t you wish they had gotten back together? Didn’t you miss out on a huge part of your childhood? Don’t you think about how different your life would

It’s no secret that I’ve had my fair share of experience with death. It went something along the lines of, never having had experienced the death of a loved one to the loss of a cousin, cousin’s husband, aunt, father, great-grandmother and grandmother all in the space of a few years. Death fucking sucks There is no way around that. There are no euphemisms that change the way it makes you feel. The bereaved… sounds so friendly. Death is not friendly. The deceased. Cut the crap. Just call a spade

This post is heavy. Obviously. It’s about grief. It’s about coping with grief. I just think when you spend so much time thinking about how you can be happy in the world, its important to address the challenges that make you unhappy too and let’s face it, grief is one of those things. If there’s one thing I’m pretty experienced in, it’s loss. How much does that suck? I’ve heard all the words of comfort that there are to hear and people are just doing the best that they can

Depression It isn’t something people like to talk about. Admitting that you have depression is a sign of weakness and something we are taught not to talk about in public. When someone asks you “how are you?” we are programmed to respond with “fine thanks” even if we aren’t. Why does depression have such a bad reputation? Why have we over the years learned to hide our feelings and instead try to cope on our own? It could happen to anyone When I was a teenager, there were many many

You wake up in the morning and everything is perfectly fine. The day, just like any other is going so perfectly. You think about all the things you have to get done today and you try to arrange a timeline in your mind around how you’re going to fit it in. Never mind, you’re superwoman. You can handle all of those things like a boss. You’ve done it a thousand times before. So you start ticking things off your list, at one point you realise that you’re so engrossed in

Disclaimer: Due to the nature of this post it may be offensive to some. Please note that my intention is not to offend anyone nor is it my intention to cause discomfort. My blog posts are based on my personal experiences and death and religion are two topics that have had a profound impact on my life. There are times in your life that really define you. Moments that can clearly be described as before and after moments. Before I learned to walk, after my parents got divorced, before I

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