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be grateful

The last few weeks have been really tough. My surgery went amazingly (Read about that here) well and a week after being sent home from the hospital I went for a check up and my surgeon happily reported that everything was perfect and it’s all over. I smiled all the right smiles but in my heart, I knew that if something seemed too good to be true, well then, it probably is. Sadly I was right. From right after surgery, I’d had a sharp pain just to the right of

The year, started off quite nicely. Nothing fancy, just a little celebration in our home. A good way to bring in the new year. Half way through the year however, my grandfather became ill and discovered that he had already-too-advanced-to-bother-with-treatment-cancer. We basically waited for the next couple of months for the inevitable. He deteriorated very rapidly and died soon after that. My grandmother has since been slipping away into a world where her dementia allows her to cope with her grief. Did I mention he died while I was in

A little while ago, a broken and damaged woman, newly a mother, newly without an appendix lay in a hospital bed in a tiny part of town. The news – we’re going to go back in. “In where?” you might ask, into the cavity of my body. The one they just took my son out of and a few days later the remains of an organ. The reaction – fear. Of course. I looked him in his eyes and I said “Okay, but promise me you won’t let me die”

Have you ever sat through a moment when you look around yourself and you feel lost. You feel like this isn’t your life. This isn’t your experience. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. That’s how I feel now. I sit and I stare off into the distance. Somewhere out there is my life how I had imagined it. In a parallel universe I had an easy birth story, we healed, we came home, we bonded. I didn’t end up in surgery. I didn’t end up in ICU. I didn’t

As the end of the first month of a new year arrives and the second month begins,  I thought it fitting to look back at last year, a time all but forgotten and we swiftly move ahead into 2015. Over the course of last year, which began as a terrible year for me and ended with me beginning the journey of self discovery and self-love and wonder, what have I really learnt from 2014 that I can carry with me during 2015 and help me to live my life more fully. Lessons

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