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coping with grief

When I was about sixteen years old, my cousin died. It was unexpected and it was a huge shock. Everyone was devastated – of course. As anyone would be when a teenage boy tragically and unexpectedly dies. I remember everyone crying a lot. I also remember not crying much. His sister, always my closest family member was broken. I remember being there for her. I remember how in her grief, she would lash out at me. But I do not remember crying. Several years later, my father too, died tragically

I haven’t felt like writing lately. Truth be told, I haven’t felt like doing much else other than cry. It feels somewhat ridiculous even putting this out there – the fact that I’m crying over the loss of a thing. A thing with no meaning more than memories attached to it. But I’m getting ahead of myself As you may know if you read this blog regularly, we are moving to New Zealand. Well at least that is the hope. So far, there have been steps taken towards that move

I’ve been decluttering for the last while. It’s refreshing. I’m really quite good at letting go of “junk”… I HATE clutter. I really can’t stand things lying around that don’t “belong” there which admittedly has something I’ve had to adjust to being married to the king of leaving things lying around. I usually do a purge of my stuff and give things away or sell them but there are some things I’ve not been able to get rid of. I feel like hanging on to the things that no longer

It feels like a lifetime since you left us here, figuring the world out without you. Over a decade has passed and yet every day will be the shortest time that you’ll ever be gone because as the days pass, so does the time since I last got to speak to you. I’m writing a letter to the world who reads my blog because somehow, it feels like if I put my emotions out there, they’ll stop sitting like a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow. It’s making

If you’ve ever loved someone and they’ve died, you know what I’m on about. You know that the pain and suffering you feel long outlasts the patience of the people around you. It’s been a year, isn’t it enough already? They ask you! But the truth is, when it comes to death, the passage of time comes to a stand still and though the years may pass you are forever trapped in the time you had together. The time before death arrived. You think about them and you miss them. And

So this is a bit of a personal one for me. It’s about taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. A long time ago (11 years to be exact) I was put on antidepressants. I HATED IT! I felt like I had lost myself. I had in fact just lost my father. He died, unexpectedly in a car accident and his death was a HUGE blow to my life. I was 23 years old. I was just starting my life as an adult on my own and I was devastated. My world

 Life isn’t anything like it was. A year ago around this time, I was just getting out of hospital. A year ago at this time, I was just starting my journey as a mom. A year ago at this time, I lost my grandfather, four months before losing my grandmother. They both died while I was in hospital having one surgery or another. A year ago. Feels ridiculous to say a year ago when it feels like yesterday. And in this time, so much has happened and I’ve changed and

I wrote this poem in 2008 after my dad died in a car accident. There is nothing great about the poem itself. It was just a 23-year-old who had lost her dad rambling onto a page. I was traumatised for a long time after he died. His death changed everything about me and who I am. It took away religion for me and opened my eyes to the fact that death is just a part of life and sometimes it happens to good people without reason. It just is what

A few weeks ago, my doorbell rang. It was my uncle dropping off some things from my grandmother’s house. You see, my grandmother died in January. A few days after my 33rd birthday – while I was lying in hospital. This woman had been like my mother. For ten years of my life she took care of me, she brushed my hair, she dressed me, she made my lunch. She loved me like I was her child. When I turned 13, I packed my bags and moved in with my

We grieve more for ourselves than for those who have died One of the only things guaranteed in this world is death and so it surprises me how unprepared we are as a species for when someone we love dies. We are often completely thrown without the slightest idea how to treat people who are grieving. A little pat on the back and a sorry for your loss is usually the go to response. But really, how useful is that kind of behaviour and what is a good way to

  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I love this saying. I don’t know why but after the last five months it feels more true than ever. If you follow my blog, you will know what I’ve been going through. Life has been tough. If you don’t well in a nutshell, I gave birth to my son in September via Emergency C-Section. The days that followed were a nightmare. I suffered numerous complications and nearly died. I don’t think too many people know the meaning of looking death in

It’s nearly the end of the year. Christmas is around the corner, literally a few days away and I thought that makes it a pretty good time to do some reflecting over the last year. Blog life I started my blog in January, after a short attempt at blogging unofficially and discovering that writing is my absolute passion. Someone asked me long ago to think about pursuing a life as a writer and I brushed her off. Well, turns out I spent an awful lot of my life having no

The year, started off quite nicely. Nothing fancy, just a little celebration in our home. A good way to bring in the new year. Half way through the year however, my grandfather became ill and discovered that he had already-too-advanced-to-bother-with-treatment-cancer. We basically waited for the next couple of months for the inevitable. He deteriorated very rapidly and died soon after that. My grandmother has since been slipping away into a world where her dementia allows her to cope with her grief. Did I mention he died while I was in

I think about my husband coming home, to an empty house, to an empty bed. I think about my bedside table, filled with junk, that I’ve been meaning for a while to sort through. I think about the bathroom cabinet with all my products, hardly used. I think about my closet, filled with appropriate clothes made to never go out of style. I think of the photo albums, of me, in my childhood, of my family home. I think of all the shoes and bags, taking up space, now abandoned.

I love writing about my experiences so that other people know they aren’t alone. I’ve had some pretty crappy times in my life but I’ve had some pretty amazing ones too! Life is a mix of ups and downs and sometimes you just have to close your eyes and make the leap to find your way! You never know what’s going to happen and sometimes it’s nice to just take a chance and try something new. In this case, Shanita took a huge leap of faith and moved across the world

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