You wake up in the morning and everything is perfectly fine. The day, just like any other is going so perfectly. You think about all the things you have to get done today and you try to arrange a timeline in your mind around how you’re going to fit it in. Never mind, you’re superwoman. You can handle all of those things like a boss. You’ve done it a thousand times before.
So you start ticking things off your list, at one point you realise that you’re so engrossed in your task that a few hours have passed and you haven’t had lunch yet. It’s 3pm in the afternoon. Your mind is working overtime and you think to yourself briefly, damn I’m awesome. Nearly everything on your list is done.
It’s 5pm and you go home from work. It’s the end of a long day. You open up a bottle of wine and pour yourself a glass. Your husband asks you how your day went and you open your mouth expecting to say you have achieved so much when suddenly, you burst into tears. Your tears roll down your cheeks and suddenly you’re sobbing uncontrollable sobs. You can’t breathe, you don’t know what just happened. You were fine a second ago and suddenly it feels like the world has come crashing down.
You try to explain what’s going on but you don’t quite know and all you can think of is that one task on your list that hasn’t been done. The only thing left on your list is to buy Christmas cards. It’s only August so that can’t be it can it?
Having anxiety has the ability to make you feel like a complete failure. Somedays, life seems so complicated and although you can’t understand it, you are certain that if you get out of bed, the sky WILL fall on your head. The panic attacks often come without warning and if you try to ignore them, they can start to control your life. Every time an attack passes, you feel like you’re the last man standing after an apocalypse. Other people can’t understand what you’re going through. They think you’re overreacting but you know better. You really needed those Christmas cards now! Didn’t you? Although if you’re really honest with yourself, post panic attack you’re not so sure anymore and you’re maybe also a little embarrassed of your reaction.
It’s not nice to live with anxiety but the good news is that you can learn to control it instead of letting it control you. You have to grab that metaphorical bull by the horns and face it head on or your life could become unbearable. People offer you what they consider to be helpful tips but unless you’ve actually experienced a full-blown panic attack, you know that deep breaths (while helpful) are so far from your reality right now that you may just punch them in the face for even suggesting them.
I recently asked my readers what they/you would be most interested in seeing me blog about and mental health was something that featured quite prominently. I think there is still a lot of stigma in admitting that we have any sort of disorder. We are supposed to keep these things private and not share details of our weaknesses with the public
Hi, my name is Jonelle and I survive numerous Panic Attacks!