• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Tyranny of Pink

We Are All Made Of Stories

  • Home
  • About
    • Subscribe to Tyranny of Pink
    • My Ostomy Journey
    • In the Media / Features
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Privacy Policy
  • Posts by Jonelle
    • Life
      • Authentic Living
      • Living with Intention
      • Motherhood
      • Emigrating
      • Mental Well-Being
      • That time I nearly died
      • Self-Confidence
      • Social Issues
    • Death & Grief
    • Travel
      • Destinations
      • Tips / Advice
    • Success & Career
      • Women’s Empowerment
      • Jobs & Career
      • Productivity
      • Interesting Careers
      • Blogging
    • Ostomy Journey
  • Contact Me
You are here: Home / That time I nearly died / From then till now, where I’m at right now!

From then till now, where I’m at right now!

9th December 2015 By Jonelle 12 Comments

The last three months have been difficult. I mean really really tough. The kind of hard that drains you and you find yourself desperate to escape and find yourself in someone else’s life. If you follow my blog, you will know about the trauma that I’ve been through. If you don’t, you can read this post about what happened. I’m not writing this to complain so much as I’m just trying to gain perspective for myself.

This has been the longest and hardest year of my life but it’s getting better

First things first, let’s get this clear. I’m lucky to be alive and I am both very aware of that as well as very thankful for it. I treasure my life. I love my life. Secondly, I wouldn’t trade my son for anything in the world. That child has brought me a sense of purpose and fulfilment like nothing has before. I had no idea how much I needed to be a mother. I’ve spent my life “living” but in all truth I had no idea what it felt like to actually use my entire heart. Suddenly, that’s what I’m doing. My heart is overflowing with love. I feel so content in my soul (or I would if I believed in souls). Anyway, the point is, I’m happier than I’ve ever been and yet still, I am EXHAUSTED. I feel like I’ve taken one hell of a beating both emotionally and physically. I’m finally over the pain of my injured body and multiple surgeries but the emotional drain is still here in full swing.

FROM THEN TILL NOW, WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW! | Tyranny of Pink

Physical symptoms of stress and trauma

My hair is falling out in clumps. I’ve read that it’s a result of the trauma from surgery and recovery but it’s so bad that most days I’m too scared to untie it incase it’s all gone when I let it down. I am not exaggerating either. It’s really bad. If you have some magic trick to stop this happening, do let me know.

I’m sleeping but I’m always tired. I suppose, at least I’m managing to get to sleep because in the days right after everything happened, I couldn’t sleep without a sleeping tablet. Thank the heavens for those things or I would have been a zombie. So anyway my sleep isn’t very restful. Why would it be, I wake up to tiny little moans all throughout the night. On the bright side, my 3 month old baby has just like magic, started sleeping through the night. We are ever so grateful (we deserve a break) and we are hoping it lasts.

I’ve been in and out of the hospital and I’m currently in week 4 of “day’s since I was last in hospital” and it feels really good. Except if I feel a tiny pain and get into a huge panic that something is wrong and I’m going to have to go back. I desperately don’t want to go back in. So back to where I started, stressing.

FROM THEN TILL NOW, WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW! | Tyranny of Pink

Current happenings and things to look forward to

My blog has taken a bit of a backseat. I’m the kind of person who writes when I’m inspired and feeling creative but having a baby hasn’t exactly given me much time to focus on the creative side of life. I basically squeeze in writing when he’s asleep and writing on demand is a bit challenging for me at the moment.

Anyway, my amazing son is growing like wildfire. He’s rather large and chubby but is just adorable. He’s starting to be so much more aware of the world and I’m loving watching him discover new things. He still hasn’t figured out how to stop his fist from hitting his face but I suspect he will get that right eventually.

I’m looking forward to a nice break in the Eastern Cape with my husband’s family for Christmas. It will be nice getting out the house and away for a little while. I hope we come back rested and well prepared to take on the new year. Ahh the new year. Guess I better make some new years resolutions then 🙂 Have you got yours all sorted yet?

FROM THEN TILL NOW, WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW! | Tyranny of Pink

Reflecting on things that have happened and staying positive

It’s been kinda strange this last few months. So many people have called me brave and inspiring. I honestly never thought about myself in that way but it’s these labels that have helped me get by. When people look at what I’ve gone through and are surprised by how positive I am, it really makes me feel proud of myself. I usually just stumble by doing what I think is best but it’s an amazing feeling to know that others see you in this light.  I’m looking forward to life going back to normal, I suppose it will forever be changed but I’m grateful that soon enough it will all be a memory.

FROM THEN TILL NOW, WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW! | Tyranny of Pink

I have my next surgery in February/March. I’m also looking forward to that because it means I can go back to life before the colostomy. I can’t wait. I’ve faced this pretty head on but it definitely isn’t easy living with one. I’m usually such a private person and there is no privacy in walking around with a stoma bag. It seems to show through all my clothing. I’m not ashamed of it but I would like to be able to wear my regular clothing without looking different. I can’t really do that so I think I’m going to really enjoy not having the burden of changing the bag, dealing with the pain that comes with it, spending ages picking out clothing, feeling ashamed of the noises it makes etc… so yes, reversal surgery is something to look forward to. Of course that means there is going to be a lot of healing to be done post surgery (it’s a huge surgery) but it’ll all be worth it.

FROM THEN TILL NOW, WHERE I’M AT RIGHT NOW! | Tyranny of Pink

I think what has surprised me most about the last few months is how I now see myself. I am honestly impressed with my ability to keep my spirits up. Things have been tough but I’ve really managed to keep myself together and get on with life. I think that’s a small thing but it’s something I’m grateful about. I’m pretty sure everyone would have understood if I’d stayed in a black hole after the last few months but instead, I’ve gotten on with things. That has been the key to doing more and more every day. I didn’t want to miss out on Oden’s life so I was forced to get up everyday and get to it.

[bctt tweet=”Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow – Helen Keller”]

I’ve absolutely loved being a mom and he has given so much happiness to my heart but he doesn’t even know it yet but he saved me. He made me fight to get better, to get up, to get on with life. My little monkey can’t figure out what his hands are for yet but he saved me.

Oden at 3 months old | Tyranny of Pink

And that’s worth everything to me. So where I’m at right now, is my happy place. Tough year or not. I’m glad to be here.

Jonelle | Tyranny of Pink

 

Filed Under: That time I nearly died Tagged With: current affairs, looking back, reflecting on the year, staying positive, the last three months, things to be grateful for, update on my life

Previous Post: « Dear Mother
Next Post: Going away for one weekend without your children does not make you a bad parent »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dani René says

    10th December 2015 at 7:30 am

    Catching up on all your posts and I am just glad you’re alive and well. It’s been one hell of a year, but you’ve made it through. Your strength really is an inspiration to me and to everyone who complains about the “little” things. You’re truly incredible and I am proud of you for facing things with such positivity. And of course Oden is gorgeous! <3

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      10th December 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Thanks Dani. Things have been so tough… Sometimes I have the shittest days and I just feel so sorry for myself and then I look into that little face and he smiles at me and everything is wonderful again. Thanks for your lovely words! I’m really glad to be alive too and getting better by the day. <3 <3 <3

      Reply
  2. letmebefree says

    10th December 2015 at 12:32 am

    Being a mum is hard work and even harder when you are not well yourself. Take care x

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      10th December 2015 at 7:15 pm

      I agree 😉 Luckily my son is just so adorable and makes everything worth it! Thanks! xx

      Reply
  3. Jacs Henderson says

    9th December 2015 at 12:40 pm

    Jonelle, what an inspiration you are… and Oden is gorgeous. I am holding my breath reading your story and totally amazed by your spirit to conquer these physical challenges, and happy to see you are looking forward to when your reverse op is done.
    Loving your quotes, and I wish you well with your continued but ever improving journey
    warm wishes
    ~Jacs

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      9th December 2015 at 1:36 pm

      Thank you so much Jacs! Honestly, it hasn’t been easy but being negative about any situation has no benefit and I’m just doing the best I can to get to the other side of this experience. So far, there have been many things to be thankful for along the way. Thanks for your kind words!

      <3

      Reply
  4. Rolene says

    9th December 2015 at 8:20 am

    You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      9th December 2015 at 1:34 pm

      Thank you for your kind words Rolene! xoxo

      Reply
  5. Bonnie says

    9th December 2015 at 7:49 am

    So glad you fought to be here. SO grateful. ♡

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      9th December 2015 at 7:51 am

      <3 <3 <3

      Reply
  6. Imbalidesignsuk KD says

    9th December 2015 at 7:11 am

    I love reading your posts xx

    Reply
    • TyrannyofPink says

      9th December 2015 at 7:22 am

      Thank you <3

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Hi, I’m Jonelle

I write things, I make art, I like good food, wine, a whisky after a rough day and I’m always up for a new adventure. I believe we can all contribute to a better world and we should do it while living authentically. I answer to “mommy,” live in Wellington New Zealand with my family and work for Local Goverment. Welcome to my blog…

  • E-mail
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

What's Popular?

  • Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many | Tyranny of Pink
    Authentic Living, Being You, Blog Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many
  • She's strong but she's exhausted - Taking care of Me! Tyranny of Pink
    Being Resilient, Blog, Mental Well-Being She’s strong but she’s exhausted – Taking care of Me!
  • She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible | Tyranny of Pink
    Being Resilient, Blog, Life She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible – An anonymous guest post
  • What it was like having my stoma reversed | Tyranny of Pink
    Being an Ostomate, That time I nearly died What it was like having my stoma reversal
  • Being an Ostomate, Being Resilient, Blog, That time I nearly died 4 years after my life-changing colostomy reversal surgery

Recent Posts

  • Migration Tales – New Zealand in the times of Covid-19
  • The story of two bloggers who lived happily ever after
  • 3 great TED Talks to watch about race, inequality & being antiracist!
  • Do you have any issues with belonging she asked me
  • 4 years after my life-changing colostomy reversal surgery

Recent Comments

  • Jonelle on Lazarus – A quick-start to making life easier for Ostomates
  • Naomi on Lazarus – A quick-start to making life easier for Ostomates
  • Jonelle on 4 years after my life-changing colostomy reversal surgery
  • Adelle on 4 years after my life-changing colostomy reversal surgery
  • Maz on The story of two bloggers who lived happily ever after

Categories

Archives

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy

Such a pretty wine estate. #newzealand #southisl Such a pretty wine estate. 

#newzealand #southisland #queenstown #wineestate
Queenstown moody nights. #tssearnslaw #boatsofque Queenstown moody nights. 
#tssearnslaw #boatsofqueenstown #moodygrams
Ahhhh man, heading back to normal life today. Quee Ahhhh man, heading back to normal life today. Queenstown, you've been incredible. See you soon. 

#endofholidays #byebye #backtoreality
A glorious day of tasting wine that has ended with A glorious day of tasting wine that has ended with a community transmission scare. Eep.
Very lucky to be in a place where celebrating my b Very lucky to be in a place where celebrating my birthday is even possible. Such a privilege. Started 38 off on an absolute positive note. 

Celebrating the 6th bonus year of my life. Every one of the years I've been alive after my "almost died thing" are such a gift and life keeps getting better. So grateful to be here. So thankful. 

#queenstownbirthday #newzealand #celebrate #birthdayweekend
Wooohooo and the birthday weekend begins. Starting Wooohooo and the birthday weekend begins. Starting strong with prosecco and #Parrotdog

#cheers #happybirthdaytome  #prosecco #birthdaythings #happylife #newzealand #localtravel #craftbeer
Yum. Yum.
My Jax and the rolling hills of home. #Swaziland # My Jax and the rolling hills of home. #Swaziland #myboy #dogsofinstagram #swazi #homeiswheretheheartis

Copyright 2020 Jonelle Unfiltered | Tyranny of Pink