6 steps to improve your self-esteem

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is about having respect for yourself and your abilities. Something that not enough of us have.

It’s about how capable someone perceives themselves to be and plays a central role in Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs which depicts self-esteem as one of the main motivators of human behaviour.

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Self-actualisation is the idea that what a man can be, he must be and was coined by Maslow. In other words, a person must become what they truly desire.  If a person really and truly wants to become a Doctor, it is their duty to do anything they can do in order to make that dream a reality. Happiness can only really come from the actualisation of one’s dreams and destiny. Self-actualisation is the pursuance of talent and creativity fulfilment. Following on from this, human beings need to be respected and have self-respect which comes from having self-esteem. Once a person respects themselves, they value themselves more and feel less of a desire to be appreciated and acknowledged by others. Self-esteem is achieved through mastery of skills.

What causes low self-esteem?

A few ways that self-esteem can be influenced include;

• Failing to meet standards set for you – Constantly failing to meet goals and standards set for you by prominent people in your life can have a long term effect of low value in ones own abilities.

• Being different from those around you and not fitting in – growing up as “an outsider” because you look different or dress differently to others can cause serious feelings of insecurity.

• Being bullied – Being made to feel small by others and constantly being afraid can take a serious knock on your self-esteem.

• Parental influence – A lot of your esteem comes from the way your parents raise you. If your mother is always insulting herself, you are likely to grow up with a similar attitude. Similarly if your parents continually encourage you, you are more likely to grow up believing in yourself.

How do you improve your self-esteem?

So, if the standards are affected by those around an individual, how can an individual ensure the outcome of their own self-value?

These include;

1. Fake it till you make it! Seriously, pretend to be confident until the art of confidence starts to come naturally to you!
2. Develop a skill or improve on one you have. Read up on a subject until you are so confident in talking about it that you become an expert at it. Recognise that you are an expert in something. Everyone has something they do really well. Capitalise on that one thing and gradually expand your knowledge.
3. Stop reading beauty magazines. The media sells an idea of what women should look like. The part that they leave out is how much time, effort, dedication and money is involved. I know I can’t afford to have a personal trainer at my house every morning and I wouldn’t turn to plastic surgery to fix the parts of me that I don’t like about myself. Reading magazines gives women a false sense of reality. No one in a magazine looks like that without a lot of work going into it. Not even supermodels.
4. Believe in yourself! When someone compliments you on something you’ve done, or the way you look or an idea you’ve had, take ownership of that. Instead of playing it down, say thank you and believe them. We put ourselves down so often because we refuse to just accept that someone else could say something nice about us. Stop doing that today!
5. Stop putting other people down and instead, start looking for things to compliment others on. If you like another woman’s earrings, then tell her that you like them. The more you focus on positive aspects of others, the more likely you are to believe the compliments that others give you. So starting today, stop criticising other people.
6. Set realistic goals for yourself. I’m all about setting goals, in fact, I live my life firmly believing that without goals, you can’t achieve much. However, too many people set goals for themselves that are impossible to achieve. By all means, have a huge goal that seems impossible, but also set tiny baby goals that will help you achieve that big goal in the long run.