This is a tough one for me to write. I feel like I’m putting myself out there a little too much but let’s be honest, after reading about how I pooped through a hole in my tummy into a bag nothing is gonna shock you, so here goes.
Over the course of the last year, I’ve put on 10 kgs. I weigh more than I ever have. I hate my body and I hate the way it makes me feel. I know it’s not the worst body and I know I should be grateful. I know it could be worse. I know! But bear with me!
Ten years ago (I know this is ages ago), I had a body that I wasn’t ashamed of, but since then, things have changed. For me and for my body. I don’t need to look like the girl in this photo – honest!
It’s hard to write this because it’s thanks to this same body that I’m even alive at all. It birthed my son. It carried me. It carried me when I thought it was going to give up. But it didn’t. It fought and surprised everyone. Including me.
But I try my clothing on and nothing fits. And I hate myself. And I hate this body.
Styles I used to wear look terrible and I’m having to figure out getting dressed all over again.
I hate this feeling and I hate this struggle.
So I said to myself:
Self. You hate yourself right now.What can you do to fix this.
And I came up with a plan.
Because life is too short to use words like hate.
Life is a too short to cry every day because nothing fits.
[bctt tweet=”Life’s too short to use words like hate! #Motivation” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
This body worked so hard
To keep me alive and I’m so very grateful to it.
Because of this body I get to live. I get to see this face every day.
So now it’s my turn to do right by this body.
[bctt tweet=”I know it will not be easy but it will be worth it! #Motivation ” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
I know it won’t be easy but let’s face it.
Nothing worth having comes easily.
I’ve started going to gym and I can already feel the difference it makes. Truth be told, I’m the most unfit person in the room because for the last year and a bit, I’ve not been able to do very much at all. In fact, there have been months that I couldn’t even get out of bed. After all the surgeries, my body is weak and it takes a lot out of me to do anything.
I started off being the only person in the gym going at tortoise pace but you know what, slow and steady wins the race because I can already feel my mindset changing and being more positive.
I’m now walking on the treadmill longer than I could a month ago. I can hold my own on the step climber thing and I cycle a full 20 minutes now!
Change is happening slowly and I can’t see and changes happening yet but it’s happening and that’s what matters.
But it’s not just about exercise
I’m also changing my diet and the things I put into my body.
During my struggle to recover, I found solace in chocolate and wine. I’ve cut out eating as much chocolate as I used to and I’ve cut back on how much wine I drink. I don’t think depriving myself of the things I love is the best way to live so I still have these two things, I just have less. I’m okay with that.
I have also recently cut out carbs and this is the hard one. We eat a lot of bread, rice and pasta and I KNOW that my body doesn’t process these things well so it was a no brainer for me to stop eating them. It’s going to be tough but so far so good.
I don’t need to be thin, I just need to feel strong and comfortable in myself. I want to wear the clothing I own instead of feeling like I have nothing to wear anytime I need to leave the house.
So many people don’t understand my journey because I should be grateful and I agree, I should be. And I am but I’m also uncomfortable in myself and that’s something that is in my power to change. So, I made a plan and I’m going to do just that!
Woop Woop. Here I go!
If you have tips that worked for you, I’d LOVE to hear them! Hit me with your weight loss / get healthy advice!!