Tyranny of Pink

Don't let other people define you

Don’t let other people define how you should live!

I see it so often on social media. Women telling other women how to live and why they’re getting life wrong. It drives me insane. Instead of supporting each other, lifting each other up, we are out here pointing fingers about who is doing life right and who isn’t. There is this school of thought where, as women, we should all aspire to have successful careers and make a lot of money or else we aren’t getting it right. I can’t stand it.
I happen to be one of those women – the kind who wants a successful career. I also will tell anyone who will listen that it’s NOT my job that I am most proud of but of my motherhood. Being a mother is my first priority. I quite frankly don’t care who it upsets that this is my proudest achievement. I’ve been told SEVERAL times this week that being a mother is NOT an achievement. Except it IS – TO ME!! I can’t tell you what your life priorities should be. If being a mom is not an achievement TO YOU then that’s completely fine but please don’t tell me that I can’t be proud of my son. When you are told you can’t have children – and you really really want a child your life is fucking destroyed. I have never been faced with such a massive disappointment as those words – “you will never naturally be able to have a child.” GUTTED! And then by a freaking miracle, I got pregnant. And we were told the fetus was not likely viable. Heartbroken. But then somehow, it was. He lived, he survived. He became my child. I am so very very thankful for this child. And then giving birth nearly KILLED me. But it didn’t. Instead, I had SIX surgeries and TWO stints in ICU and ONE stint in a fucking coma and came out with a colostomy bag. So yes, having my child and being his mom is a mother fucking achievement that I am EXTREMELY proud of. All I want to do, is be a really good mom. The other things are so secondary to me. I honestly don’t care if you don’t think being a mother is an achievement but to me, it is the most incredible thing I have EVER achieved. I am so proud of being a mom. Do I think all women should aspire to be a mother and a wife? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT. Women should have their own set of goals. They should aspire to be who they want to be and to do what they want to do. They should live by their OWN standards. NOT the standards of other women. Do I think that NOT being able to have a child make you any less of a woman? FUCK NO! In fact, I KNOW the guilt that is placed on women who can’t have children or don’t want them. It’s fucking horrible and it’s NOT OKAY! YOUR goals do not have to be my goals and it’s OKAY if they aren’t the same. Success doesn’t have to mean being Sheryl Sandberg – success can be just being you. Doing what you want to do. Living a life that makes you happy. You don’t have to feel bad if being a stay at home mom is what you want for yourself. You don’t have to feel bad if you don’t want to have a career. You don’t have to feel bad if you don’t want children and want to work and crush career goals. Being a mom is definitely not my only goal or the only ambition I have. I am a human being with many many different facets, dreams, goals and aspirations. But being a mom is what makes me happy. And THAT is an achievement I won’t ever stop  being proud of. GO DO YOU!!

8 thoughts on “Don’t let other people define how you should live!”

  1. Thankfully I haven’t come across too much of that, although I did take a hiatus from blogging for a while and just recently got back into it. I feel like it’s the ones who are hell bent on making others feel bad about the way they live, are the ones who suffer from all kinds of insecurities. I know quite a few amazing women who have hearts of gold and accept everyone as they are. They inspire and uplift, without feeling the need to pass judgement or make nasty comments. It’s completely uncalled for and unnecessary. There’s more than enough space for all of us and all our unique personalities and ways of choosing to live OUR lives.

    1. I think you’re right – I think it is the people who are insecure and can’t find their own groove so they spend their life trying to drag people down with them. It’s the old saying “misery likes company” and if you can’t find your own happiness, people SURELY should not have theirs in something so “simple” especially. I’m just exhausted. I think blogging is really bad in terms of everyone trying to be the best blogger in the world… instead of just blogging and getting on with it! There is certainly enough space for us to ALL shine! Thanks for reading Melanie.

  2. Yessssssssssss! This was a post that needed to go up today! I can’t relate so much to the motherhood side but in general I am sick to death of all the bullying. The whole point of life is to live it, and we need to live it how we want to otherwise we’re not living. And if we all just focused on our own lives then we wouldn’t have time to judge others lives and choices.

    1. I’m sorry it took me so long to reply but thank you Kerry!
      I was just feeling so exhausted by all the do this no do that type shit online. It doesn’t have to be about being a mom – it’s literally EVERYTHING. I am so tired of all the bossy people telling everyone how to live. This morning I saw a tweet that said “this is how to succeed at twitter” and i freaking laughed out loud. How to succeed at twitter… just bloody do what you want!! Seriously. People need to stop trying to write the one size fits all bloody life manual.

  3. This is an awesome post. The thing that I am most proud of in my life is the woman my daughter has grown up to be. She’s a Rockstar! A wonderful mother, super smart and so passionate. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  4. Hell YES! I freaking love this post.

    I’ve been chided countless times for wanting to be a mom and that I’m “missing out on other life stuff”. And the classic of having three kids were so 2000-and-late. I kind of ran out of eye-rolls for those many opinions.

    My kids are my life and come first at all times. And I do happen to have a life. A well balanced life, that can only be achieved because of my motherhood. I’m a better person for being a mom.

    Thank you for this post J!

    1. Thanks Celeste! I also think being a mom is MUCH harder work than I ever expected and for someone to tell me that it’s not an achievement is bloody insulting to be honest. I am a big fan of the eye roll – also a big fan of the FU blog posts 😛 Thanks for reading – I’m glad it resonated!

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