Tyranny of Pink

A South African in New Zealand

be unapologetically you

Life at 35! Is it what we thought it would be?

By 18 Comments

Life at 35 | Tyranny of Pink

 

 

Ahhhh good old 35! Hello my old friend. We are quite well acquainted by now aren’t we?

It’s an interesting time to be alive. Being thirty-five is no longer seen as old in a woman. Is it? Or is that what us women tell ourselves when we get here? Wanting to feel like there’s still time to achieve the goals and the dreams.

I don’t know – I suppose it’s too personal to sum up here.

If I think about where I am now and where I thought I’d be now, I really have dropped the ball. I mean I was supposed to be a successful lawyer, working for the UN. Isn’t it funny how not only your life path changes but also your life plans and your goals. If I was a lawyer right now, I’d be having a mid-life crisis because I really hate the mundane every day part of law. It just isn’t me or what I’m meant to be doing. So I kinda feel like I’m exactly where I was meant to be even though I didn’t achieve anything on my original life list.

I did all the crazy things in my 20s

I flew with condors and I jumped out a plane at 15 000 ft. I surfed and I went skiing and I travelled the world alone. I met people and took chances and I drank all the alcohol and stayed up till dawn. I fell in love so many times I lost count and finally, I fell in love with myself and I realised that all I really wanted was to feel happy! Being happy was about what I was doing and how I felt in the moment. It wasn’t about whether or not I was ticking things off the life goals list.

I realised that I have the power within myself to achieve that. All I need to do is make that decision. The decision to just be happy!

And so I did.

So now, here I am, living a life that I hadn’t really planned for myself and somehow, even though I’m the ultimate planner, I kinda just got here accidentally and found myself in love with my own life.

Accidentally?

Well, maybe not completely by accident. I did CHOOSE to be happy and that was definitely the start of my path. I also chose to be unapologetic about the choices I make in my life and the needs that I have as a person and that went a long way towards my happy path. I chose to accept that life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans and not achieving your goals doesn’t make your life any less successful if you’re actually happy!

Of course I’m not happy ALL the time.

Like any person, I have ups and downs. Good days and bad days but what matters during those times is that I don’t have an unhappy life. I just have a bad day or a bad week or if you’re following my home affairs journey, a bad few months. But I know that these are just moments in my life, they are not my whole life. They are not me and they certainly won’t last forever and that’s the joy of my happy life.

The tides come in and the tides go out and still, my life is here, passing from one day to the next. And sometimes, I wonder if I should be doing more or less or something more meaningful with my life but during other times, I accept that this is what life is about.

In your 20s, you usually don’t have the foresight to think about the bigger picture. Life is the right now, the instant gratification, the immediate satisfaction. Which is wonderful when life is good but when it isn’t, life is awful. That’s just not how I see things anymore.

To everything there is a season

My dad often used to say “this too shall pass” and I’d get so mad at him trivialising my life and my emotions and what I’m going through. And now, as an adult, I realise exactly what he used to mean. There is nothing more true in this world than the fact that this moment will pass.

Be it a good moment, or a sad moment or a whatever else moment. It will pass and sooner or later all we are left with are the lessons and memories left behind. That’s the beauty of life.

It’s neither good nor bad, it simply is.

Being 35 is good and it’s bad and it’s everything else.

All that has changed is my youthful expectation that if life isn’t going my way in the moment, it’s suddenly awful.

Even on the rainiest days, we should still be thankful for the rainbows. And in Cape Town, the rainiest days are suddenly the days we are most thankful for. Isn’t it funny how perspective changes everything!

Life at 35. What’s it like for you?

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost Click To Tweet

Life after surgery! How it changed me and what I know for sure!

By 6 Comments

In September of 2015, I had my son – the best thing that has EVER happened to me. Unfortunately, with the best thing also came the worst thing. I nearly died and I woke up from emergency surgery with a colostomy. Life after an ostomy has had its challenges but it has also had its lessons.

When I look back on this whole experience, I often feel like this was all some story that I once heard, a thing that happened to a friend of a friend but it’s just so unbelievable that you don’t forget the tale. Except this wasn’t something that happened to a friend of a friend. It happened to me.

I don’t want to rehash the exact moments of that experience, I think I’ve done that enough. I’m ready to let go but one thing that I can’t stop thinking about is how much what I value has changed since then and how a lot of what I already believed has been confirmed.

This morning I woke up thinking about how in a few months it will be TWO years since my reversal surgery. TWO years since I’ve not had to change a bag of poo and struggle with the pain from my surgery.  People ask me if I’m okay now, since my reversal – if I’m healed. If I’m “normal” and I don’t think I will ever be normal really. I don’t think that you really come back from that kind of experience. I’m different in a lot of ways but perhaps most notable is how much more I value my life, the relationships in it and the things I spend my time doing.

What I know for sure (thanks Oprah for this phrase) and my rules for 2018

No space for drama and draining people

I’ve always been someone who stays away from drama. I am REALLY not into high school squabbles and I actively choose to walk away from friendships that don’t serve me.

Now more so than ever before. I really believe that the relationships we have with people feed into how we see and process the world around us. If you spend a lot of time with people who are nasty and mean, then your life is influenced in that way. I try to avoid people like that.

I’m also actively choosing to stay away from people this year who spend a lot of their energy on telling you how amazing they are and how much good they do in the world. If you have to TELL people about it, you’re probably doing it for the wrong reasons and I feel like I don’t want that energy in my life.

Lastly, I’m choosing to stay away from fake people. I’m just exhausted by that kind of thing. Be REAL! Stop adjusting yourself to fit in with everyone. That’s literally my life motto! Be Unapologetically YOU!! You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay too!

The importance of resilience

What I’ve really discovered since my surgery is that I’m one hell of a resilient person! Yup, my ability to bounce back and still be positive in the world has surprised even me! I’ve learnt that I’m really really good at recovering.

So much so that I’ve surprised even surgeons who expected me to be down and out for ages longer. An example, the coma I was supposed to be in for a while (three days) that I decided nope, I’m ready to wake up from after just over a day. I’m not a fan of being “down,” I’m not good at not being okay.

Recovery from all of it was tough, that’s for sure but it taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to. I refused to not be okay! I refused to sit back and let life defeat me.

I’ve bounced back from losing so many loved ones, from nearly dying, from living with a colostomy, from the roughest start to motherhood I could have imagined. I’ve survived it all and the lesson I take from this is that you need to be able to adapt.

You need to know that when something bad happens, it may FEEL like the worst thing ever but you WILL get over it. You WILL recover and you will keep living. When people die, often you get this “I can’t go on” feeling in your belly and you want to die too. You want to give up. I’ve learnt that if you fight, just a little, you get through it. That’s what matters. You hold on to that fight.

The value of following your dreams

After my whole surgery/ nearly dying drama, I’ve discovered more than ever that doing what fulfils you is SO important. I quit my job to focus on me, doing what I love and to start my family and I have absolutely NO regrets at all. I can’t emphasise the value of being happy with your day to day life. I KNOW that to “follow your dreams” is a thing of privilege. I’m not an idiot. I know that the majority of people in this world can’t just up and quit their jobs.

That’s not how the real world works but even those who work jobs they hate to pay the bills need to find something that makes them feel that life is valuable. It doesn’t matter what that is, it doesn’t matter if it’s a side hustle that brings in money or just sitting in a quiet place at the end of the day and thinking about butterflies. What ever it is that brings your heart peace is what you NEED to dedicate time to. Figure out what makes your heart happy and dedicate some time to doing it.

Stop beating yourself up and just let go

One thing I really struggle with a lot that I’m still working on is self-love. I’m SO critical and I’m also a perfectionist which means that EVERYTHING I do is criticised and questioned and doubted. I really need to start working on  being kinder to myself. On accepting that I’m NOT the most perfect person, mom or wife but that’s okay too! I need to work on bashing my body. I have never been this over weight before and it’s a direct result of my medical history AND my lifestyle. I HATE my body but I do nothing to actually change that and this year, I’m working on being kinder to myself. I’m working on letting go of the pressure that I place on myself to be everything all the time. It’s okay to just be.

What I know for sure is that life is fragile, it’s hard, it kicks you in the shins and then it’s magical. If you just let go, enjoy the little things and know that the harder times will pass, life can be wonderful. When you’re struggling and life feels like it will never improve, know that every moment passes, both the good and the bad and before you know it, it’s a new season. Life is beautiful and it’s ugly and it’s short and sometimes it drags on forever.

It’s not the length of your life that really matters but how you fill the hours of today!

 

I have a confession to make…

By 19 Comments

It’s funny that I’ve titled this post like I’ve got a dirty little secret. Truth be told, I’m not a dirty little secret kinda person and yet here I am, eight days into the new year and feeling like my life is a lie.

If I’m ever asked what my biggest skill is or what I enjoy the most, I say I’m a planner. It’s true. I am SO good at planning things. I LOVE making plans and prioritising tasks and organising “things.”

I literally thrive on my ability to make the best plans…and every single year, during the last week of December or the first week of January, I sit down with my carefully chosen planner/diary and I set goals for the year ahead and organise my thoughts and my ideas for the year ahead.

But this year is completely different.

This year, I’ve started the year not only without a single plan in place but without a damn planner too!! You see, I put in an order for my dream planner with Erin Condren and I waited eagerly for it… and it didn’t arrive. So I let them know and they reprinted and resent it to me and it still hasn’t arrived!! So here I am, frustrated about being a week into the new year without a planner but that’s not even the real issue in my life.

The real issue that I’m struggling to deal with is my lack of space to plan my year ahead!!

You see, we’re moving to New Zealand. That’s the plan at least. Last year April we made this decision and started putting all the plans into place and EVERYTHING was going according to plan until Immigration New Zealand pointed out that my birth certificate says I was born in Swaziland but my South African passport says I was born in South Africa. So I tried to amend this and when I couldn’t… I tried to get my Swazi passport but they wouldn’t issue me an international passport because I live in South Africa. UGH!! So now, I have TWO nationalities and NO passport that I can actually use to move to New Zealand.

So while my plan for this year is literally: MOVE TO NEW ZEALAND, I’m struggling to put anything else down on paper for this year ahead.

So instead, I chose my word of the year: COURAGE!

I decided I needed a word that kept my feeling hopeful and brave. Things are hard right now. It’s really difficult not knowing what your future is going to be bringing your way! It’s hard not being able to commit to anything because you may or may not be leaving.

People keep asking us when we are leaving and we don’t have the answer… so instead, I’m choosing to feel courageous that this is the year that good things will happen.

We will move to New Zealand, we will find a pet friendly house, we will settle in, I WILL get an awesome job and I will need all the courage I can muster up to face this year. But that’s okay… I’m not afraid, I feel like I can handle anything that the world throws my way today!

Courage!! Because failing to plan may mean planning to fail but I’m choosing to be brave and to have belief in the fact that things happen for a reason…and eventually, we will get to where we want to be!!

So though I can’t plan for the year ahead, I’m choosing to plan my attitude instead. I choose to be brave and I choose courage!

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Click To Tweet

What’s your plan for this year? Or did you choose a word for the year?

Last year my word was “intention” and we sure set our intentions for the world 🙂 I’m not giving up yet!

Sign up to the newsletter!

[wysija_form id=”1″]

Cheers to a Magical New Year! [Oh How We’ve Changed]

By 2 Comments

It’s funny how as we get older, the things we used to find so important lose their shine and eventually they lose our interest completely!

Last night, while waiting for the new year to roll on into my life, my amazing friend Maz and I had this conversation about how our needs have changed and how now, for us, being content is about being with our families and the people we love.

We spent last night on their farm, eating, laughing, drinking and watching our kids play together. 

I remember a time when all I wanted to do was go big, day in and day out. I lived to party!

I didn’t know Maz back then but that was her life too – funnily enough, at the same bars, with many of the same friends but never together!

We only met recently, thanks to this blog and then it turned out our husbands were old friends from “the scene” and so we started hanging out more and more. And now, our sons are inseparable and it feels like we’ve been friends forever! I feel truly lucky to have these people in my life.

As the times grows inevitably nearer to us leaving, I am more and more aware of the people that I will miss and the things that really matter to me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that life is so short and it’s just not really practical to keep doing everything you used to do with all the people who you used to know.

Instead, I choose to spend my time with the people who make me feel happy and that add value to my life as it is now. Sadly, that means that a lot of friendships grow apart but honestly, I think that’s okay too!

I can’t help feeling that life works out exactly as it should. 

This year was a long and hard year and we’ve had so many challenges. I wish I could say that we are going into the new year with all our problems solved but that isn’t the case.

We don’t know what will happen with our New Zealand application. I still don’t have a valid passport (though that’s a story for another time) but what I do know is that what ever happens, I’m ready for it.

I am so thankful for the husband, family and friends that I have.

The people who are constantly checking in on us and providing us with hope for the future. I am thankful for the kindness of people all across the world who reach out to me, offer their help, connect me with people they know in New Zealand and even invite us to join them for Christmas lunch in New Zealand so that we don’t have to be alone. Obviously we didn’t make it in time for that but I can’t explain to you how if nothing else, 2017 showed me how valuable the PEOPLE in my life are.

So many people, some that I’ve never even met in person, provide us with constant support and love and when life is tough, that’s all that keeps you going.

So 2017 might not have been the best year, our plans might have been put on hold for a little while but this year, with all the crap that happened, brought me an awareness of the value of people, love and true friendship. 

I don’t set new years resolutions but I will say that whatever this year brings our way, we are ready for it! I hope that means lots of wonderful things but the truth is, the magic is all around us. You just have to focus a little harder sometimes!

Thank you for being a part of my life and for being the magic in my year!

Happy New Year!

May you find the magic!

All the love

xoxo

 

Life updates | Migration Tales

By Leave a Comment

I haven’t been very good at writing the last while! I think it’s just this weird phase of my life that I’m in. Kinda transition phase…

We are still mostly just waiting! Although there has been one step of progress:

Gerard got his visa!! YAY

But Oden and I are still waiting with no news…

In the meantime, we’ve done a few other things and set other plans into motion. 

  • We still have nowhere to live when we get there
  • We don’t have flights booked yet – because we have no visas
  • We don’t have temporary accommodation booked
  • We haven’t finished renovating our house before we can sell it, but we can’t sell it until we have visas either just to be safe
  • I still have no job over there – impossible to do without a visa even though I keep trying but literally get rejected immediately without a visa.

Things we have done

  • I have faced my fears and gone to the dentist! – This may seem like no big deal but to me, it’s pretty huge! I am TERRIFIED of dentists after a bad (traumatic) experience with an evil dentist age 12ish. Feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders to finally get this done.
  • I have booked myself in for eye lasik surgery! EEK! Yup, next week Wednesday I go get my eyes lazered! People keep asking me if I’m afraid. I’m not even a little bit. YES, they do cut open your eye but I figured after what I’ve been through what’s a little flap in my eye 😛 HA! So this means I’ve spent A LOT of time running up and down to appointments and getting checks done in preparation. Totally worth the freedom that will come from not having to wear glasses anymore to be honest!
  • We have booked painters to come and sort out our house!
  • We have met with the agent so that we can get a good evaluation on our house
  • We have opened New Zealand bank accounts – this is probably the most exciting part for me. We actually already got post from our new bank!! Yikes!
  • We have also officially given Oden’s school notice that he will not be returning next year. This was SO hard to do because we love his school and he loves his school. He lives for school and even asks to go see his teacher on the weekend! We will really miss the love and kindness that they have shown our child over the last year. Hard as it was putting him in school in the first place, the people there have shown us that it was the right choice!

The struggle is real

Honestly, at the moment, my biggest concern is that we won’t be able to find a rental that will take us plus four animals. It gives me sleepless nights honestly. We had a back up plan if we couldn’t find a rental that would take them, we’d just buy a small house but the new Prime minister is changing the laws and non-residents won’t be able to buy houses there soon. So that’s fallen away. Oh well!

Our animals will be in kennels for a month in SA and then 10 days quarantine in NZ so that gives us a little time to find a house. Fingers crossed!

My anxiety is through the roof at the moment. Every email I get my heart races hoping that it’s finally the one.

My diary is almost fully booked up between now and the date we hope to leave (December 9th if we get our visas in time) and I’m just constantly exhausted.

So many people ask us why don’t we just stay for Christmas and the truth is, we just want to start this next part of our lives and stop waiting. Waiting for everything to happen. We want to find our new normal and settle in and let go of some of this stress!

I know that it will all happen exactly when it does and stressing over it doesn’t change anything but can someone maybe tell my brain to stop panicking because I don’t think it understands the futility.

Also, as the time draws nearer to d-day, I realise more and more just how much I’m going to miss this place and the people in it. Saying good-bye isn’t going to be easy…

 

 

Is it okay to swear on my blog?

By 5 Comments

This is the kind of question that many bloggers deal with internally. The censorship of who they are and what they have to say. New bloggers will start out being authentic and writing the way they are inspired to write but inevitably, either someone will call them on their swearing OR they will wonder if their words are hurting their brand and preventing them from growing as bloggers.

So here’s what I think.

If you are writing something and you genuinely feel that swearing enhances what you have to say, then by all means PUT that in there.

IF your goal is to work with brands and they probably won’t like you being “vulgar” then don’t swear but that probably comes at the cost of your authentic self.

For me, the answer is simple. I swear in my blog posts when I’m writing about something in particular that makes me really angry and want to swear. Examples of this are people who DON’T use car seats. I get soooo angry about them. Another example is death. DEATH MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL because there’s nothing I can do to change the situation and it makes me feel so frustrated that inevitably I drop an f-bomb.

And you know what – that’s who I am!

I know that not everyone will like who I am and luckily, that’s cool with me.

I don’t want everyone to like me because I’d have to be one hell of a people pleaser in my every day life if everyone was going to like me. I think that’s just how we are as human beings. We don’t make everyone happy all the time and that’s OKAY! We don’t have to.

So if someone comes to my blog and gets offended because I swear, I’m cool if they don’t come back. I’m cool if they close the page and mutter to themselves about the youth of today – because yay, something thinks I’m youthful 😛

Seriously though the bottom line is that not everyone is going to like you and not everyone has to! 

And that’s OKAY!!

If you don’t want to offend people then don’t swear. It’s easy enough not to do and people ARE going to be offended by your language. But to me, when you have to censor who you are in your own part of the internet, then that takes away from your authenticity and that’s the most important thing about MY blog to ME! I pride myself on being unapologetically who I am and if that means losing some readers who don’t relate to my “potty” mouth then honestly, I’m cool with that.

If that means NOT working with some brands who don’t approve of my image – then I’m cool with that too! We are obviously not the right fit for each other.

So at the end of the day, you need to consider what your goals are, what your purpose is, why you’re doing what you’re doing and then decide if it’s worth changing who you are and the way you write to fit in with those goals!

Just do what works for YOU and not what someone else tells you they think you should do!

Be yourself, unapologetically! Click To Tweet