Not every day is a good day and that’s okay to admit. I think. 

I try to be positive.

I honestly believe that thinking negatively gets you nowhere but sometimes you wake up and the world just seems like a fucking crap place. Maybe that’s somehow supposed to teach me to be more grateful but maybe it just is what it is.

Just a really crap day.

On Wednesday I heard some pretty bad news. Well, it was news about a member of my family with a tumour which has the potential to be cancerous. I feel like the world is kicking me in the teeth. I feel sad and worst of all I feel awful for bracing myself for the worst case scenario. Does that make me a bad person? I doubt it but it sure feels like that.

I know what pain comes with the loss of a loved one.

Over the course of my life I’ve had enough experiences with death to know how much it sucks. You know what else sucks – trying to be strong because everyone expects you to be.

Sometimes, it’s maybe okay and acceptable to just let go and for a change let someone else be that person. The one in control who knows what to say. Am I trying to justify my weakness? Probably. I don’t even care.

I don’t have the words.

I’m really scared. I feel alone. The irony is that I’m not alone, I have so much support but in the end, only you can feel the pain that you go through. No one can take that away from you.

I’m afraid and I don’t like the feeling.