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Maybe it’s okay, to not be okay during a global crisis

30th April 2020 By Jonelle

I’m over here, just trying to cope. Really, I am. I’m doing the best that I can do.

But sometimes, I’m not good at anything. No good at being a mum. No good at being a wife. No good at getting my work done. No good at cleaning my house. I’m certainly no good at getting it all done at the same time while a pandemic is raging through the world like a wildfire. Maybe that’s okay.

Maybe no one is judging me for not playing enough, not cleaning enough, not being productive enough, not being fun enough. Maybe no one is thinking about how I could do this better. Maybe they know, that these are strange times and no one really knows what the hell they are doing. Or maybe, maybe no one cares what I’m doing because they too, are just trying to get by. They too are struggling to sleep, to wake up, to get up, to get active, get done with all the things that the world needs them to do. No one judging me but myself.

Maybe at the end of the day, everyone else is exhausted too. Maybe they’re sitting on the edge of the bed wondering how they can get through this. Maybe they don’t even have a job to get to tomorrow.

Maybe they don’t have any hope left. For tomorrow.

Maybe they are way worse off than I am. Maybe it’s okay if I acknowledge that and then, cry a little while longer because I too am exhausted by the load that I carry.

Maybe.

Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Maybe once I’ve ordered take out. Left my house, just for a minute. Maybe then. Maybe now. Maybe it gets easier at level 3, or level 2. Maybe when I can run free. Visit friends. Drive to the beach and lie in the sun. Oh the sun. How I miss the sun.

Maybe it gets better next week or the one after that. When the scary pandemic is no more. Ahhh, who am I kidding. We know this is it. There is no after this. It’s just a new way of coping. A new way to face tomorrow and the week after and the month after and the one after that… next year. Maybe then.

But until then. I must sleep. Because tomorrow, I need to wake up and cope, poorly, all over again. And for now, my tortured dreams await.

Filed Under: Blog, Life Tagged With: coronavirus, it's okay to not be okay, life in a time or coronavirus

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Hello, I’m Jonelle and this is my story.

Wow! This was a moment. Turning 40 when I almost d Wow! This was a moment.
Turning 40 when I almost didn’t live past 32. 
Grateful for every day of every year since then! 
Life is so precious and life is everything you make it. 

Thankful for all the opportunities I’ve had along the way. Thankful for all the people I’ve met and the leaps I’ve taken! 

Grateful to live where we do. 
Grateful for my family and friends. 
Grateful to live comfortably and never have to worry about being without. Such privilege in a world with so much struggle. 

Thankful for my pets who drive me nuts and love me endlessly. 

I’m looking forward to the next decade. Stepping more into myself and knowing who I am and what my boundaries are. The things I will not tolerate or accept. 

Just grateful for my life. 
The end. #HBD to me!
Woop Woop
Saturday pre birthday party vibes… Saturday pre birthday party vibes…
Lazy Saturday mornings ❤️ Lazy Saturday mornings ❤️
Unemployment is working for me! #Relaxed Unemployment is working for me! #Relaxed
Oden ❤️ Oden ❤️
Making the most of being #funemployed 😆#welling Making the most of being #funemployed 😆#wellingtonnz
Take me back… summer sun and ocean swims #newcal Take me back… summer sun and ocean swims #newcaledonia

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