What I want for you

To my son, Oden

Right now, you’ve been in my tummy a little under five months, 18 weeks and 5 days to be exact, but already you are the thing I love most in this world. My life has changed drastically in the last few weeks and I’m not just talking about the morning sickness.

When I heard your heart beating for the first time, I cried. I cried with happiness. When I saw you moving for the first time, my heart was filled with joy. We have watched you grow from a tiny little bean to a baby, with eyelashes, a heart that beats and arms that move. We have tracked your progress weekly and watched my tummy grow with you. When we chose your name, we knew it was perfect for you before we had even met you.

All I have ever wanted was a family of my own. I didn’t have the most normal childhood and my family tree might not look the way it should but my childhood was wonderful. I can’t wait to give that to you.

I can’t wait for September, when Spring has just started and as with most new beginnings, everything is fresh and exciting. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and love you even more than is humanly possible. I can’t promise not to hold you more than I should.

I can’t wait to read you stories at bed time, to tuck you in and to watch you smile and laugh. I want you to always laugh. I want you to always be happy. I want you to grow up to be first and foremost happy.

In this world, there are many expectations. We will put pressure on you, expect you to study when you don’t want to, clean your room when you think everything is fine and go to school when you really just want to play but during all these times, we will love you without condition. We will take care of you, and help you to grow into a human being who cares about the world and the people in it.

We will encourage you to travel, even though being away from you will be difficult. We will encourage you to try new things, even though we may not understand them. We will let you listen to music that we hate, because that’s the kind of thing you are in to. If you want to wear pink, we will let you do that. We will let you follow your heart, and find the life for yourself that makes you happy.

We will accept you for who you are. We will encourage you to believe in the things that make sense to you, we will let you love who you want to love, and accept you for who you are, regardless of who that may be.

There will be times, when you think you hate us, when you scream and shout at us, when you slam your bedroom door and sulk. That’s okay. We will love you still. Afterwards, perhaps you will realise that everything we will do, will be for your own good. We won’t be perfect but we will try and many times, we will get it wrong but I promise that we will try with everything we have to make your life, the best one possible.

You are the greatest gift that has come into our lives and we will love you. Always.

All my love

Your mother