This was harder for me to admit than many things I’ve openly said before. I’m not natural at being a mother.
I had always hoped I would be. I thought I’d be that kind of mom. I really did.
My son has been the biggest blessing in my life. My miracle child born against all odds.
I am more thankful for him than anything else in this world.
He makes me beam with pride and when I wake up and see his face, my heart fills all over again.
So why do I feel like such a failure, when it’s 11am and I’m looking at my phone for the millionth time checking emails and wondering how I’m going to get it all done.
Why do I feel a little annoyed when there are toys all over the lounge for the hundredth time that day. Toys he doesn’t play with but takes great pleasure in spilling all over the room.
Why do I feel frustrated when it’s 8pm and he still hasn’t gone to sleep?
Because I’m human that’s why.
Because I have limited hours in the day, just like everyone else and somehow I’ve got to fit it all in.
Washing, cleaning, writing, work, making lunch, making dinner, feeding him, feeding myself, showering, checking emails, responding to emails… all in a day.
And when I go to sleep at night and the world falls off my shoulders. I feel guilt.
I was a little too short-tempered.
I was a little too anxious.
I didn’t play with him enough.
I worked too much.
I didn’t work enough.
I should change who I am.
I should be better, do more, be more, be everything all at once.
But I can’t. I’m just one person. One person with many roles.
Many hats to wear all at once. One head to wear them all on.
I am mom, I am wife, I am daughter, cook, cleaner, business person all at once.
I am drowning in my responsibilities but it’s the guilt that kills me.
[bctt tweet=”It’s time to let go of #MomGuilt” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
I feel like I’m failing in the most important role of all. Being a mother.
Because I’m not naturally just a mom. It doesn’t come easy to me to drop everything and just play.
I want to. But somehow, it’s just not me. And maybe that’s okay too.
Maybe being a mother isn’t defined in one particular way?
Maybe being a mother is juggling all these roles and responsibilities?
Maybe being a mother still means being who you are. Who you were before.
I love him more than life itself. I would do anything for him.
But please. Just give me 5 minutes to myself.
I just want to pee alone for a minute, drink a cup of tea for a minute, sit down and rest for a minute and another two minutes just to gather my thoughts.
I want to let go of the guilt that I carry.
I want to stop feeling guilty when I need a minute alone.
I want to be there for him but in order to be a strong mother, I need to take care of me too.
Maybe that’s okay?
Maybe it doesn’t make me a bad mother to not be good at everything all the time?
Maybe it’s okay that I try. I try really hard to do it all, to be it all.
Maybe it’s okay to let go of the guilt. Just for a minute.
Just for today!
[bctt tweet=”Maybe it doesn’t make me a bad mother to not be good at everything all the time? ” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
Please tell me I’m not alone? That this feeling is normal? That it doesn’t make me a bad mom to just need time to myself sometimes?
((hugs)) my daughter is 19 and I still feel that way sometimes!! Except I have thoughts like “OMG, I can’t imagine how she will ever survive trying to live on her own! She still thinks the toilet paper fairy refills the rolls!” and “what is she going to do with her life, since she graduated high school 2 years ago! We just had the typical teenager argument the other night where she screamed that she hates us (me & her stepdad who has been her dad since she was 4) and never wants to see our stupid faces again, etc, etc, etc, . All we can do is pray for strength & guidance (and sneak a drink when the kid’s not around!)
Thanks Lisa! I’m really glad that I’m not alone but on the other hand, oh my gosh am I going to be going through this for the rest of my life? Gees. I feel your pain. I was such an angsty teenager and looking back I really gave my parents a rough time. Though, I’m 34 and have only just figured out what to do with my life. I don’t suppose that’s much comfort for you. I change the loo roll in my own house but I married a man who is best friends with the toilet paper fairy so I reckon your daughter might just marry someone who knows how things work 😛 Thanks for sharing your experiences. It really makes me feel so much more normal.
Sometimes I think parenting is an EPIC FAIL because we have to be everything to one person, a EPIC FAIL in the sense of trying to do it all, and knowing that I can’t. So I accept that I sometimes just suck and then I own it and say to hell with it all. I’m the kind of person that leaves the child in the same underpants for a week – because it’s too much of an issue to get him to change it, ah well, as long as it don’t stink (too badly). OMG my child will kill me if he reads this!
Jonelle, in my opinion the best parents are those who own up to not knowing it all, to sometimes sucking at parenting, to feeling guilty and sometimes actually counting down the hours to go to work and have a break! We know our limits, and you are a great mom!!
There’s always that one comment that makes me cry and this is it! I feel like I just needed permission to not be perfect. Permission to just say fuck it and accept that he just hates wearing pants. Why is that even a thing? Thank you Chev! It’s true, to hell with all that extra shit that I just don’t have time in the day for. Thank you <3
You’re so not alone! I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights since school started over battling with my son over homework. Could I have scolded less? Could I have been more patient? Could I have tried a different approach? What am I doing wrong? These thoughts plague me daily. It’s just part of being a mom.
Oh Anthea! I would in a heart beat point a finger in your direction if I was asked to point out a good mom. I’m so glad that these feelings don’t make you a bad mom, just a mom. It’s so helpful hearing other moms say they feel the same way. They get it! Thank you <3
You’re not alone dear. We all bear that same cross. Especially so when kids are younger and more demanding. It doesn’t stop as they grow older but this prepares you for a lifetime of demands and responsibilities.
I honestly wish I’d posted this ages ago. Maybe even a year ago instead of crying into my glass of wine about what a failure I am. Thank you so much for the reassurance. It’s SO nice (helpful) to know that other moms who look so together also went through this. It’s amazing to know I’m not alone and even that my feelings are not special… because that gives me hope. Thank you! xox
Any mother who says she doesn’t feel like this at some stage, I feel, is just denying their true feelings. We have all felt like this at some time or another. Sometimes many times in one day. You are doing well. Give yourself a little slack and just breathe. Love you xoxo
Thank you mum! Although you probably had it much easier than me on account of me being the perfect child 😛
Seriously though, it really helps to know I’m not just awful because I really feel so helpless sometimes. love you too xoxo
I feel exactly the same. Being a mom doesn’t really come natural to me either… to be honest, I think I’m quite terrible at it. At least they are healthy, and happy – so I suppose it’s not all a Taim smash. I just wish I could be more of a mommy mom… and more perfect! As I’m typing this, I’m so sick that I am on the verge of being hospitalized, Knox is home with me, my house is a mess, there is washing to put away and I still need to get my work done… but I just can’t. And I spent the better part of the morning bawling my eyes out because we don’t have a support system, no friends and no family that would be able to help should i have to go in – it’s scary. Anyway. You are an awesome mom… and this post really resonated with me today. Unfortunately I do not feel like I’m enough, or doing enough.
I think it’s made much harder by being a mom who works and has to do all the mothering in the hours available outside of work. It feels like there’s just so much to do. I feel guilty for taking on new clients but I need to work to provide the life I want for my child but it just feels like the wheels keep going round in circles and there’s no winning.
I’ve also been dying sick the last week and I’m so sorry you’re not well Maz. I know it’s not the same as having family but we are here if you ever want to drop your kids off for a break. Even if to just go for dinner or lunch. You are a really good mom. Your kids are so loved and happy and it shows. Your recent post about making Knox gay is all the evidence in the world about the morals that you are going to teach your kids. If that doesn’t say love then I don’t know what does.
I really think we just need to say fuck-it to the washing and the tidying up and do what we can when we can. Because in the end, that shit doesn’t really matter (unless you’re going out and need clean clothing hehe) but we need to cut ourselves some slack.
The responses I’ve gotten today are all so positive that we aren’t alone!! Sending love and health to you <3
Yes, fuck it to the washing! Maz, if ever you need to just hand the kids over – I can’t guarantee that I won’t let them go bat crazy – but feel free to ask if you are in a jam and need help. Hope you feel better soon.