I’ve been decluttering for the last while.
It’s refreshing.
I’m really quite good at letting go of “junk”…
I HATE clutter. I really can’t stand things lying around that don’t “belong” there which admittedly has something I’ve had to adjust to being married to the king of leaving things lying around. I usually do a purge of my stuff and give things away or sell them but there are some things I’ve not been able to get rid of.
I feel like hanging on to the things that no longer make me happy is just another version of dragging around my old emotional baggage.
Like my clothing. I love my clothing
I love how pretty it looks hanging in my pretty custom-built closet. I love seeing it there and I love knowing it’s a collection I’ve put together over the last decade. So what’s the problem? Well, let me tell you!
Most of it doesn’t fit me anymore!
After having my son, I was put on the Depo injection as a means to control my Endometriosis and although my gynae warned me about the potential weight gain, I’ve ballooned in size.
I’ve tried eating healthier and I’ve tried gym but the truth is, my clothing has just started to make me depressed because NOTHING fits me anymore.
So I felt sorry for myself for a while and then I decided that actually, I’m going to embrace who I am and I’m going to stop torturing myself over what no longer serves me.
So I’m letting go.
Black cocktail dresses, fitted pants, winter coats, too tight shirt – all being sent to a new home.
It’s hard that’s for sure but I’m already feeling lighter.
I’ve got a good reason to shop for a new wardrobe now – collect new “staples” and hang them lovingly in my closet that now has plenty of room.
It makes me feel so much better!
The other form of clutter that I’m not good with dealing with is notebooks and memories.
I have always written in journals. Not the dear diary type of writing but I’ve written about my life in an abstract kind of way – without names, just mostly my emotions.
Growing up I found that retreating into my journals was a good way to cope with my depression and as I got older, that got more and more true.
Yesterday I went through the closet where I kept my old journals and I sat down and I went through them and the weirdest thing happened.
This overwhelming rush of panic and anxiety rushed through me.
Did I really feel so sad and hopeless about the world?
It just didn’t feel like me at all. It felt like, some other person from some other dimension. A person who has lived my life but who hurt so much.
I tolerated being treated badly.
I accepted lies and blamed myself for relationships not working out.
None of what I read in those journals felt anything like me.
I am a really positive person, always looking at the glass half full but that person who kept those journals, was nothing like me now. That person was sad and broken and didn’t know how to cope with death and love and heart ache.
I threw them away.
I don’t need a constant reminder of the misery that I felt in the past.
My life is happy and wonderful for the most part. Sure there are trials and tribulations that go hand in hand with being an adult and having responsibilities but I’m different now.
I no longer feel the need to hold onto the part of me that hated living.
So I’m letting go.
That person is long gone…
As I read this I just realize again that I need to declutter. Though I am a bit sentimental and it is difficult to throw things out I really needed this reminder. Thank you.
I am super sentimental too… but some stuff is just not worth hanging on to!
xoxox
Nice – it’s nice you letting go of bad vibes. Proud of you. I like giving away clothing but I have not recently – not after I gave birth 18 months ago. Eisj- clothes don’t fit no more.
Thanks a lot Melissa. I appreciate that so much. I think the best part about giving away clothing is that someone else gets to enjoy them instead of wasting away in your closet. Lol, NOTHING fits me from before I had Oden so I hear you!
Oh WOW! throwing away journals sounds super brave!! I might get there… one day. But totally with you on the clothing purge. and old papers and stuff. went through my desk drawers and got rid of anything older than 7 years (except degrees and stuff, obviously) – So liberating!!
Hahaha probably stupid. They just weren’t bringing me happiness anymore… I’m not sure what the point was of hanging on to them. Maybe to remind myself how far I’ve come? But I was there… I know how hard it was and I’m so glad to be in a better place. Getting rid of old papers is AMAZING!! Also… do you also keep degrees in the drawer? Hehe. We keep saying we should frame those things!!
It is such a nice feeling looking back and realising how much you’ve grown as a person. I think that is the best part of writing/journalling and the reason I probably won’t stop.
Yes I agree. It is great to see. I have loved keeping my journals but now they make me sad and I feel ready to let go of the old me. I will never stop writing though!
It is liberating to get rid of clutter. I however can’t bring myself to throw out writing or journal.s, they are a map to where I am now. Even the really bad times.
I usually agree with that but these are just a constant reminder of my unhappiness and they bring me sadness. I’m ready to let go of that feeling that looking at them brings to my day <3
Love this. I am the same with my clothes and my stuff. Purging makes me feel so good, but getting there is such a drag. And I always force myself to look at the old stuff in case I may regret tossing it. This article may be the push I need. Well done on getting rid of the baggage!!! xx
Thanks! I really struggled with a lot of my clothing because what if one day I fit into it again… but that’s such a taxing hold over my body. If I ever fit into that size again, I’ll buy clothing then but for now, this feels good. Good luck getting rid of yours… it’s worth it 🙂
Wonderful! Purged and ready for the new you and a fresh start. ♡♡♡
<3 Exactly!