Losing love and all the things that go with death.

I had these thoughts in my head today, about nothing much and everything. The kinda thing I write in my blog because I need somehow to process the feelings.

I was making dinner and I thought, how sad that I never learnt more from my gran about how to cook her famous meals. I guess I just imagined she’d always be there, cooking those meals. And then she wasn’t.

I thought of my dad and how much he knew about everything and how invested he was in sport and cars and bikes. And I wished I has paid more attention. And suddenly he was gone and I knew so little about his passions.

I found myself imagining a conversation with my grandfather, where he was giving me advice, about work and life and the paths to take and then it dawned on me, his wisdom is gone and all I have are memories.

I thought about how much we take for granted.

We assume that the people we love, the people who love us will always be there, but then they aren’t. And their stories and their laughter and their strength and their positivity are gone, and that’s that.

And on the anniversary of my grans death, I missed her so but my heart knew, this is part of life. And life, is just ongoing. It doesn’t stop and give you a minute to catch your breath. It doesn’t care about your grief, about your heartbreak, about your loss.

Life is just life.

Ongoing. Never good, never bad. Just life.

Death breaks us and life, life gives us the strength to get back up and keep going. Knowing now, that this part, the part that hurts, is just another part of living.