I didn’t always want children, and suddenly I wanted one more than the world thought I deserved one. We tried for a year – we were told – no way, it’s not happening. Not “naturally” at least. And so, we put the plan on hold.
But it seems that the world had other plans for us after all. We had planned to start IVF in September of 2015. Instead, September 4th, 2015, my beautiful boy thundered his way into this world.
His birth nearly killed me. The first year of his life, I spent recovering from one surgery after the next. Almost a year with a colostomy bag. The hardest year of my life.“The soul is healed by being with children.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky Click To Tweet
If it wasn’t for this beautiful miracle, I can honestly say, I would not have had the fight in me. I would most likely have given up, that first week – in ICU.
Instead, he carried me. He inspired me. He made magic flow through my veins that gave me the fight I needed to live.
I looked into those tiny eyes and I saw the chance to get things right. The chance to love without condition. The chance to give him all the things I’ve always wanted for myself. This baby boy, without knowing it, moved mountains.
And today, he turns three.
Three years old and full of fire. Full of spirit and such a sense of purpose in this world. So confident. So full of love and kindness. The most generous spirit. The most sensitive little soul.
I spend days wondering how I got so lucky. What I ever did to deserve this beautiful boy. Who makes my heart stop.
People say they are “blessed beyond measure” because they go on fancy holidays, they live in palatial homes, they drive sports cars… my blessed is something else. My blessed, is being his mom. Waking up every morning to his face, his laugh, his grumpy sleepy head. The little voice who shouts “it’s not morning yet” and tells you to close the door, he’s “still sleeping.” My blessed is the family I have. The happy home. The love and happiness we share. Us three.
I am so thankful for this three year old boy! Who is so in awe of the world. Who exclaims loudly in excitement at the simplest things. The sight of a rainbow – or a Tui bird sitting in the tree. Who says “I see my house” every time he gets to the top of the stairs. A child who loves life with a fiery passion.
He’s only three but he seems wise beyond his years. Sensitive to the slightest emotion. Understanding, compassionate. Oden, my darling child, always ready to hold your hand and help you up.
He is stubborn too. They say, like his mommy. I can’t deny it. I see so much of myself in him. He is so sure of himself. Knows exactly what he does and does not like. Knows exactly how to tell you – definitely no shrinking wall flower here.
I am so proud to be his mother. This little warrior who came into the world in an explosion and filled my heart to the brim.
I promise you, I will always love you to the best of my ability. I will always, do everything in my power, to protect you and keep you safe. I will always make sure you know we are here. That you can speak to us, about anything. That your opinions are valid.
I will always respect the person that you are, outside of being my son, you are a human being. With your own thoughts about the world. I promise to love you, no matter the path you take.
I promise to support you, though I may not always agree with you. I promise to be there when you fall. I promise to give you the hand up you may need. I promise to be there cheering you on when you succeed. The proudest mom.
Thank you for being my son! Thank you for teaching me that being a mom is about doing the best I can. Thank you for making it easy to be your mom. Thank you for being you! Thank you for making our life complete!
All my love, forever and more