Today, my son turns one.

This is a HUGE deal to me. A year ago today, I went into labour two weeks earlier than expected (thanks to a burst, undiagnosed appendix) and without knowing it, the course of my life changed in more ways than just becoming a mom. I nearly died. I say these words and they still feel like the words of a stranger. Like, this couldn’t be my story. perhaps I read it somewhere. One of those things that happen to a “friend of a friend” – except it didn’t. This happened to me.

What I know now

In the last year, I’ve learnt so much about myself and the people around me and I suppose, about the world in general too.

I’ve learnt a little about what it means to be a mom. It’s so rewarding but it’s tough! I tell all my friends, if you’re unsure about becoming a parent then think carefully before doing it because someone else is pressuring you. This whole parenting thing is not easy. Not by a long shot.

I’ve learnt that I’m capable of making HUGE sacrifices for the well being of my son. I know that after everything I’ve been through, I’d do it again for this beautiful child of mine. I also know that maybe having a second child isn’t for me. A lot of people take offence to me saying that but we feel so fulfilled with our son. We feel like our family is complete and it was hard. I think it’s fair to say that becoming parents was a tougher experience for us than for many other new parents. Not only did we have to figure out the whole parenting thing but we also had to do it while I was in ICU and having several surgeries and living life with a colostomy. It was HARD!

know what else I learnt? That I am loved and valued beyond measure. My friends and family all pulled together and jumped through hoops to help us. We were sent food, looked after, my son was taken care of when we couldn’t do it by so many wonderful people. I was overwhelmed with an influx of messages of support.

The truth behind the smile

I was called brave and labelled a warrior. The truth is, I didn’t feel brave. I felt terrified. I cried – I cried a lot. I was so overwhelmed by everything that had happened. I wondered why me. Wouldn’t anyone in that situation. I couldn’t understand what I’d done to deserve it or why people thought I was brave. Looking back though, I was a fucking fighter. I remember my gynae saying she doesn’t understand how I can smile all the time after everything I’d been through. My physiotherapist told me that if I smile so much, the nurses in ICU won’t take me seriously. LOL – I couldn’t help it. No matter how bad things were, I was alive and I’d never felt so grateful for anything in my entire life.

I think we take things for granted

We complain about how hard life is when usually it’s just “life,” it just is what it is but our attitude is what makes the difference. You can choose to go through life feeling sorry for yourself and making everyone around you miserable or you can choose to make the most of every situation.

A year since that first day in hospital and we are still paying off various medical bills. Granted that it has only been just 3 months since my last and final surgery but the debt has just piled up and we’ve been drowning in it.

You don’t go into hospital thinking about all the things that could go wrong and the excess payments that you’d have to pay. We’ve literally had to cut back on ALL our expenses for the last year. It’s actually pretty crazy. But we do what we do and we bounce back as much as we can.

It changed me and what I value

I’m also pretty certain that I’m finally on the right life path. I’m so happy in my blog life. I love everything about blogging. I love the freedom to create and take my own path. I love that I get to do what makes my heart happy. I love the people I have met through my blog, the moms who know what I’m going through. I love the comments from people who say something I’ve written inspired them or made them understand how it feels to be grieving or just who have read a post and it triggered a reaction. I feel happy when I work on my blog. I have discovered that being fearlessly authentic is what really matters to me above anything else. I plain down refuse to do any job that makes me miserable anymore. I’m currently also starting a business doing what I love; working with kids and being creative. The Messy Kid is currently under construction so watch this space 🙂

Life is about being happy and I don’t want to waste mine on things that don’t matter.

So we celebrate

Today we celebrate Oden turning one. We celebrate the miracle that is my child. My beautiful boy who was created as if my magic after we were told emphatically we could never conceive naturally and yet here he is. Proof that miracles happen and evidence of how crazy and unpredictable life can be.

We celebrate that he has brought us so much joy and happiness. This child with his woofing and meowing (yup, woof and meow are his only words so far) and his wobbly little walk that he’s too nervous to practice without clinging on to a hand but he dances and claps when you ask him too – it’s so damn cute!

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr Seuss

We celebrate that he is such an easy baby. With a heart filled with love and a soul so gentle. He treats the animals in our house like delicate little creatures, always careful to stroke and touch them softly. He’s so loving too. Giving me kisses and snuggling me tight (though the kisses only come when he feels like it no matter how much I beg). He wakes up smiling and I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with pride and love.

We are so truly lucky to have this child.

We also celebrate my life on this day. A year ago, I nearly died. I nearly wasn’t here to watch him celebrate his first birthday. I nearly missed all of who he is and what his life would be. I nearly did but instead, I made it. I survived. I survived six surgeries and the worst and hardest battle of my life and today, we celebrate that. I am thankful for the simple gift of life. A gift we take for granted. Spending too much time on our phones and sitting in traffic and wasting away the years. Thinking one day we will spend time with them. One day we will do the things we planned to do but the truth is, nothing in our future is certain and we need to do those things now.

During the last year, I lost two of my grandparents, the two that raised me for ten years of my life. The loss hit me hard but today, I celebrate them and the person they helped me to be. In a few days it will be a year since my grandfather died and he would have adored Oden. Today, we celebrate him

We need to do all the things that make us happy and spend our time with the people we love.

Today, I also want to thank you, for being a part of my life. For reading my blog, for supporting my journey, for watching my child grow, for sending me messages of love and support. Each one of you who reassured me that I’m doing the best that I can and told me I’m a good mom even when I felt that I was failing. Thank you for being there for me, for advising me, for bringing us food and love. For holding our hands and telling us it will be okay. Thank you for the hospital visits and emails. For the calls and texts. Thank you for checking in on me and asking how I’m doing. Thank you for being a part of my journey. Thank you for walking it with me.

We made it a year. I made it and my baby is a year old!

My beautiful baby boy is one today and I could not be prouder or happier or more thankful. We may not have everything we want at this point but we have everything we need and I’m so thankful I get to share my life with my amazing husband! I couldn’t have done this without him.

Happy first birthday to our beautiful baby boy, Oden! You are loved beyond measure!