The 4th of September was just supposed to be another regular day. I woke up, got ready for the day and sat down at my desk to get some work done. At about 2pm, something felt distinctly weird about my tummy. I brushed it off, my baby wasn’t due for another two weeks. I certainly wasn’t prepared for his birth TODAY!
A little while longer and I could no longer ignore the pain but this wasn’t what it was supposed to feel like was it? I had been to all the seminars and classes and read all the books. Labour did not feel like one solid pain in your tummy. Where were the rise and falls they had talked about. What was I supposed to be counting here?
Instead I decided to run a bath. A nice warm bath should sort this problem out surely?
20 minutes later and my husband arrived home. Well he wasn’t keen on taking any chances so he loaded me straight into the car.
The longest journey ever
The car ride was excruciating. I held myself off the seat the entire way. I could feel every bump. Every tiny rock in the road. I didn’t realise how far the hospital could seem from my house.
Eventually, we arrived at the hospital and we were shown to the labour ward. My belly was strapped with contraptions to hear the baby’s heartbeat. The constant thump reassuring me.
But the pain. Oh my fuck the pain. This was it.
At this point, it becomes too much to handle. I send my husband to find the nurse. At that moment we realise that we’ve forgotten the birthing music in the car so off he goes to get that.
Of course everything happens when you’re not expecting it to. While he’s gone the nurses start to panic. They panic in hushed tones but I can see something is going on. This isn’t normal.
Eventually I shout out…. can someone please tell me why everyone is panicking? The response…. sweetheart if we don’t get you into theatre right away your baby will die.
My world is crushed.
Where is my husband?????
I’m wheeled off into a bright and stark surgery. Where the hell is my husband?
Later I discovered he had been left to scrub up but no one explained anything to him. He gets there just in time. My heart is racing and I don’t know what’s going on.
Immediately I sit for the spinal but the pain just sitting is too much to handle. They tell me then, it’s spinal or they put me under and that option is risky for the baby.
What the hell is going on?
Finally I find out… this is suspected to be a placental abrupture. The placenta may have partially or completely separated from my uterus. This is dangerous for both of us and a C-Section delivery must happen immediately.
With my husband holding my hand, she starts to make the cut. A hole in my body that will save my sons life. All I care about is him. I hated being pregnant but this little miracle of mine is all I ever wanted and I just want him to be fine. I don’t care about the consequences.
Now they’re tugging. They’re pushing and pulling. From both sides. He’s struggling to come out… but they’re fighting to get my little man out. Suddenly… the is a release of pressure and the roof is sprayed with blood. “Is that normal?” I ask knowing full well that my face too was now covered in a fine mist of blood. Every one laughs but I know the answer already. It’s no secret that this was a serious situation. Everyone is trying to feign a sense of calm but my baby could have died. Instead, he is handed to me. Wrapped up as a tiny bundle. My little monkey who I’ve waited for 9 months to meet.
A second later I notice that his hands are staying blue. The Dr takes him away from me. He’s not breathing properly. He needs to go straight to ICU. I’m lying here helplessly while my son gets rushed to NICU.
A love like no other
Turns out the oxygen gave him a pneumothorax. That’s when air leaks between the lung and the chest. My tiny little human had to spend 3 days in NICU. There was no chest to chest, no snuggling, no breast feeding no nothing. Just my little boy lying in a box with drips in his arms. As soon as I could walk, I spent every minute I could muster the strength for standing at his side. Love overflowing for this perfect child of mine who arrived into an already imperfect world. My perfect little boy who has only just arrived in this world.
The next chapter
I lay in my ward bed. Pain. Severe pain. I pressed the painkillers pump. I pressed it again. Pump Pump Pump. Luckily it was locked for every 7 minutes. I complained to the nurses. I complained a lot. I have a high pain threshold but this is insane. I feel like my tummy is going to explode. Every time I lie down I hear a whooshing sound.
Eventually, my little boy is released out of NICU. I try to breast feed but my body hurts so badly. Nothing comes out my breasts. I lie down. Even that is painful. The lactation nurse tells me “her other C-Section mothers have no problem turning onto their sides ” I feel useless. I feel the guilt and emotion wash over me. I’m already a useless mother.
The following day we are checked out. Ready to go home and start this journey on our own.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FUCKING PAIN?
Eventually the pain is just unbearable, I demand a Dr. I’m wheeled off into all kinds of things. X-Rays and CTs… It’s time to get to the bottom of this.
Swish Swish Swish goes the liquid inside of me. Tests confirm. There is too much liquid in my abdomen.
Three hours later – I’m rushed off to surgery. A burst appendix it seems. All this time. Four days and one childbirth later I’ve been lying around with a burst appendix. Three hours later and I’m headed into surgery.
but that is a story for another day…
Oh my word Jonelle. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this but I am glad you went to the hospital and that your child is alive, that is the most important thing. Appendix?! How awful. No wonder you need a night nurse. My sympathies.. xx hugs
Did you read the post about my multiple surgeries? it didn’t end with just my appendix but also a ten day stint in ICU after I nearly died! It was seriously hell and yes, this is why I needed a night nurse. My husband was initially doing all the night feeds and then waking up and going to work but that just got to be too much for him. I got pneumonia the week I came home as well and had to go back in to hospital. Right now I’m just so grateful that everything is over and I’m well. It has been a long last two months! xoxox
oh no Jonelle I am so sorry xxx what a nightmare
Although your son had a rocky start and you have been facing pain and discomfort, it seems you three are well now. Sending you some positive vibes from the green island and really wishing you the best and speediest recovery ever!
Thank you Patricia. What a rocky start indeed but my son is gaining weight nicely and has come a long way since the little guy in ICU. I’ve settled in at home and I’m really enjoying being a mom – in spite of the sleepless nights. Thanks for your positive vibes! SO very much appreciated! xox
Oh my hat! What a terrifying experience it must have been. So relieved that you, baby and your hubby are doing fine.
FYI: That is one graceful “trying to smile” pic 🙂
What an awful experience (including the mean nurse). But congratulations on your little boy. Hugs.
Thank you Melanie! It was absolutely terrifying but I’m so in love with this little guy… <3
Shanéy Maharaj says
You such a strong mom! I’m soooo glad you and baby are okay now. NEVER EVER call yourself useless again. I will personally come down there and wack you, 😛 Sending you lots of love.
You are awesome! Thank you lovely… I’m so grateful that in spite of everything I could bring my boy home! <3 <3
I was so freaking tense just reading this story…..My gosh Joni!!! Its all a miracle from beginning to end! Wow! What a story! May the road and years ahead be wonderful ones!!! So glad you are both okay! Xxx
It was a hard one to write – I must say that putting them down is so soothing on the soul. I feel better once the story is out but I cried writing it. I’m so glad we’re okay too! Thank you Jo <3
Thanks Jo. I can’t believe everything happened and it happened to me. It’s always the kind of story you hear from other people about a friend of a friend.. but I’m so thankful we’re okay! xoxox
Oh my goodness! Thank goodness you are both OK!!!
Thanks Cindy! It was a terrifying experience and I’m also really glad we’re both okay!
Wow Jonelle! I salute you. Your story is nothing short of a miracle. I am so glad you are ok or getting better. Sending you love, light and best wishes. xoxoxox
Thank you Kiki. I agree. I’m so lucky to have a perfect baby. Things could have been much worse!
I am in tears and completely freaked out! This is so scary! I am so glad you’re both okay. I can’t wait to meet him! Sending you massive hugs!!
I can’t say I’ll be doing the whole pregnancy thing in a hurry anytime soon! Thanks – big hug!!
Reading this sent shivers down my spine! So happy you are both fine!
Thanks!! Me too!! xoxo
This sounds SO scary! I cannot even think about it. How was your husband through this process? I feel for both of you. Congrats on the baby boy, I am so happy he was okay.
I’m so lucky, it was awful but my husband has been my rock! He was terrified while it was going on but just held my hand the whole way. Thanks Autumn.
I am in tears reading this. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so very thankful that you are both alright after the entire ordeal.
Celeste, it was terrifying. I still can’t believe that happened to me!! Thank you lovely! <3
Cassey Toi says
Oh lady. Beeeeeeeeeeg hugs.
Yay for your little guy being here.
Thank you Cassey. Yes he’s such a perfect little man… I’m so lucky. Xx
Oh my soul!!! How frightening!! I am so sorry this was your experience 🙁
But the good news is that you have your baby and he is healthy and gorgeous.
Hugs! Huge freaking hugs!
It was terrifying. I felt like it was all part of a bad dream. Except things just kept getting worse. You’re right. That is absolutely the good news and has been keeping me going through all the other surgeries. Thanks Laura xx