Anxiety.
It drives me up the bloody wall. One minute I’m totally fine, the world is wonderful and the next, the next I’m reduced to tears and I don’t know why.
So I assess my life – nope, all good. I’m happy, I’m healthy (well, besides 5 weeks of Bronchitis grrr) and life is relatively good. So no problems there and yet here I am… falling apart.
I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure and feeling like I can’t get anything right.
When I question what exactly that means, I don’t have any answers.
That’s just what anxiety feels like.
Irrational and with no explanations with no reason. Just madness where suddenly the world feels awful.
So rationally, I sit myself down and explain to myself that this is just my anxiety rearing it’s ugly head. That this too shall pass and all that cliched jazz. Then I run a bath and let the stress soak away.
Except when I get out, it’s worse. Now I’ve wasted the day by lying in a bath. I have SO MUCH TO DO.
So I’m mad with myself for wasting time when really, I should be DOING more!
Or maybe, just maybe, I can rest for a minute…
…and let this run it’s course.
Mama Said
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this my Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
I went walking the other day,
Everything was going fine,
I met a little boy named Billy Joe
And then I almost lost my mind
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this my Mama said
My eyes are wide open
But all that I can see is,
Chapel bells are callin for everyone but-a me
But I don’t worry cause
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this my Mama said
And then she said someone will look at me
Like I’m looking at you one day,
Then I might find
I don’t want it any old way,
So I don’t worry cause
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there’ll be days like this,
There’ll be days like this my Mama said
Mama said, mama said
Hey! Don’t you worry,
Mama said mama said
Hey! Don’t you worry now.
Mama said mama said,
Hey! Hey!
Oh gosh, how I feel your words here Jonelle. I constantly battle with this and have been for many years. That song is so perfect for the feeling although my mama never said, and it was all a huge shock to me having to deal with pnd and daily anxiety.
It’s so tragic isn’t it that so many of us struggle with anxiety and depression and yet it’s so hush hush. I spent a long time not getting any help. My family would always say things like “oh yes she’s just angry” when actually I was struggling with depression. It is a HUGE shock learning how to deal but I hope that as we get older we learn more and more. Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s good to know that others understand what I’m going through.
You and me both – struggling a lot lately
I’m really sorry to hear that! I really wish there was a magic stick to wave and make it go away. I guess it does help knowing we aren’t alone though doesn’t it!