I have a confession to make…

It’s funny that I’ve titled this post like I’ve got a dirty little secret. Truth be told, I’m not a dirty little secret kinda person and yet here I am, eight days into the new year and feeling like my life is a lie.

If I’m ever asked what my biggest skill is or what I enjoy the most, I say I’m a planner. It’s true. I am SO good at planning things. I LOVE making plans and prioritising tasks and organising “things.”

I literally thrive on my ability to make the best plans…and every single year, during the last week of December or the first week of January, I sit down with my carefully chosen planner/diary and I set goals for the year ahead and organise my thoughts and my ideas for the year ahead.

But this year is completely different.

This year, I’ve started the year not only without a single plan in place but without a damn planner too!! You see, I put in an order for my dream planner with Erin Condren and I waited eagerly for it… and it didn’t arrive. So I let them know and they reprinted and resent it to me and it still hasn’t arrived!! So here I am, frustrated about being a week into the new year without a planner but that’s not even the real issue in my life.

The real issue that I’m struggling to deal with is my lack of space to plan my year ahead!!

You see, we’re moving to New Zealand. That’s the plan at least. Last year April we made this decision and started putting all the plans into place and EVERYTHING was going according to plan until Immigration New Zealand pointed out that my birth certificate says I was born in Swaziland but my South African passport says I was born in South Africa. So I tried to amend this and when I couldn’t… I tried to get my Swazi passport but they wouldn’t issue me an international passport because I live in South Africa. UGH!! So now, I have TWO nationalities and NO passport that I can actually use to move to New Zealand.

So while my plan for this year is literally: MOVE TO NEW ZEALAND, I’m struggling to put anything else down on paper for this year ahead.

So instead, I chose my word of the year: COURAGE!

I decided I needed a word that kept my feeling hopeful and brave. Things are hard right now. It’s really difficult not knowing what your future is going to be bringing your way! It’s hard not being able to commit to anything because you may or may not be leaving.

People keep asking us when we are leaving and we don’t have the answer… so instead, I’m choosing to feel courageous that this is the year that good things will happen.

We will move to New Zealand, we will find a pet friendly house, we will settle in, I WILL get an awesome job and I will need all the courage I can muster up to face this year. But that’s okay… I’m not afraid, I feel like I can handle anything that the world throws my way today!

Courage!! Because failing to plan may mean planning to fail but I’m choosing to be brave and to have belief in the fact that things happen for a reason…and eventually, we will get to where we want to be!!

So though I can’t plan for the year ahead, I’m choosing to plan my attitude instead. I choose to be brave and I choose courage!

[bctt tweet=”Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” username=”tyrannyofpink”]

What’s your plan for this year? Or did you choose a word for the year?

Last year my word was “intention” and we sure set our intentions for the world 🙂 I’m not giving up yet!

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  • A powerful start to a new year – Vilina Christoph
    31st May 2018

    […] down anything concrete, I want to FEEL my way through the new year. But then I came across this article and I decided to choose a word for the year. Even though I was familiar with the concept, I […]

  • Helen
    17th January 2018

    I’ve always hated making New Years resolutions because let’s face it, no one bothers to keep them! However, when I read your post, I really liked the idea of having a word for the year ? I think my word for the year will be TRUST – trust that everything will work out fine in the end.

    My husband and I emigrated to Canada (end of September last year), and it’s been a rollercoaster ride – fear, happiness, anxiety and whatever else emotion I can think of all rolled into one.

    It’s tough being out here away from my family (although hubby’s sister and aunt are here – it still doesn’t feel the same), and while we keep in contact via social media, it’s still not the same! Anyway, I’m also going to borrow some of your Courage word for this year and mix it with some Trust and let’s all hope that things work out in the end, for the better!

    Good luck with the NZ journey – it’ll all be worth it in the end ?

    • TyrannyofPink
      19th January 2018

      I’m the same Helen, why set yourself up for failure. Maybe I’m just lazy but a word to live by seems a lot more realistic to me. I have been enjoying my word. It kinda reminds me of what I need to focus on. I like TRUST, I think it’s a good reminder too. And it works in every situation!!

      Congratulations on the move. Where were you before? How long were you planning before you actually went? I can’t imagine it’s EVER easy to move across the world but I hope you remember to trust your reasons for doing so when things get a bit hard. They will be hard for a long time before they get easier. I reckon!

      We will be moving to a country with absolutely NO family at all and while NZ is wonderful, I can’t even imagine being away from everyone we love and that’s where I need courage. Life is hard and it’s scary but as you say, it’ll all be worth it in the end! X

      • Helen
        19th January 2018

        We were in Cape Town before, and started thinking about moving in 2015. Was tired of all the race politics (at work and everywhere else) so we decided that it was time to leave. Being in an intercultural relationship – hubby and I also couldn’t see ourselves raising our kids in SA) – as beautiful as Cape Town is (don’t get me wrong, SA has been my home for the past 30 years)! We’ve experienced discrimination numerous times in the past and don’t think that it’s fair for our future kids to grow up in such a climate, so naturally, we set our sights on Canada.

        We finally mustered up the courage to make the application to Canada via Express Entry in November 2015, and got accepted to apply a week later (weren’t expecting things to happen so quickly). It was all crazy from then on – getting the paperwork together (police clearance, writing IELTS, academic accreditations, proof of funds, medical examinations, etc)… thought it would never end! But we gave it a good shot and got our Permanent Residency in June 2016 – and now here we are!

        I’ve been following your other posts about migration and the process is no fun at all – I completely feel you! We sold everything (furniture, car, household appliances, etc) and moved with only our luggage. Had mixed feelings about letting go of things and also scary to see how much stuff we had accumulated over the years, but it was rather freeing to let go of it.

        Moving overseas is really stressful, but as long as you have each other (hubby and baby) you’ll be alright – and that’s all you really need :). Just remember to love and support each other throughout the process, and things will all turn out alright. Trying to be very positive this year!

        • TyrannyofPink
          22nd January 2018

          Hi Helen

          I’m so sorry for only responding to you now. I was actually just going through my spam comments and found this comment luckily!
          wow, that must have been one hell of a crazy experience for you. It’s stressful enough without it all happening SO fast! At the same time, at least it’s all over and things are probably already starting to feel a bit settled. Congratulations on making the move. I have no doubt that you did the right thing for your family and as a mixed race person myself, I know all too well the feeling of being judged constantly. I had so many issues with my dad being “too dark to be my parent” while I was growing up and it’s just an ugly thing to live with. Things are definitely getting worse and I truly hope that I can stay positive long enough to see this happen. I’m so ready to go! Thank you very much for following my journey but especially for your words of encouragement. It really does feel overwhelming after a while! xoxo

  • Venean
    11th January 2018

    I love the word and that you aren’t letting your lack of planning get the best of you, or rather the lack of ability to plan. I am in the same place but totally didn’t consider a word – and don’t have a planner but its not why I havent planned just not in the mental space right now. I know things will work out for you. Wishing you well for all your courageousness in 2018! xx

    • TyrannyofPink
      11th January 2018

      Thank you Venean! I hope this year goes well for you, I know things are bothering you at the moment but may the worst of the year be over and only good things to come <3

  • Simone Cameron
    10th January 2018

    I love this ‘word of the year’ thing. I think I need to think about it. My husband has lost his job and today sadly, feeling too intimidated by their CCMA lawyer, he settled for the first and pathetic offer they threw his way. I’m concerned about making ends meet, paying a bond, seeing to the kids…and also making my husband believe in the face of all this, I believe that somehow we will survive. Because if I break down…he will too. And he has been through enough…. maybe courage should be my word too…or faith. Maybe Faith….

    Fingers crossed you find that awesome planner….well that it actually arrives. ANd I really hope the New Zealand thing gets sorted out fast. Is there any timeline to getting the passport sorted out?

    • TyrannyofPink
      Simone Cameron
      11th January 2018

      Simone, as I was reading your comment I just kept seeing “faith” flashing before my eyes and then I got to the end of the paragraph and saw that’s what was happening in your head too! I honestly don’t have the words to tell you that it will be okay because I HATE it when people do that and you’re just thinking HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT…but I do know enough about you to know that no matter what happens, you will come out of this okay! You’re an incredible person, don’t let this kill your spirit. Things will probably be hard for a while but when you get to the other end, you’ll look back and wag your finger at life and maybe even give it a little zap sign, cause life fucking sucks sometimes but I have faith that you will be okay!!

      Ha, that planner is now a joke in my life… who knows if it will ever arrive and no, no timeline for the passport either. Oh South Africa!!!!

      Sending you so much love!

  • Vilina
    8th January 2018

    I’ve heard a few times already about choosing a word for the year ahead but I haven’t given it much thought. Now after reading your article I decide to choose one – CONNECTION! I’ve felt very alone and isolated through the past years and I choose to change that consciously 🙂 As of planning, I also didn’t do it, not because I lacked the means but because it didn’t come naturally. Instead, I decided to feel my way through 2018. Sending you hugs and hopefully THEY sort out your documents soon – I know how frustrating it could be not knowing what the future is going to bring. xxx

    • TyrannyofPink
      10th January 2018

      It’s weird, I don’t ever make new years resolutions because I feel like you’re often setting yourself up to be disappointed but since choosing a word, I’ve felt a lot more empowered. I love your word and I think it’s suits your situation perfectly. May this year be the year of fulfilling connections with incredible people. Thank you Vilina, I always appreciate your support <3 <3

  • Zoe
    8th January 2018

    Perfect word for you this year! You are one of the bravest, strongest ladies I know, and you WILL get to NZ this year, even if you have to stare down crazy Home Affairs and Interpol agents to get there!!

    Stupid SA shipping – I kept wondering if your planner had arrived, but figured you would share pics when it did. Another upside when you get to NZ – a postal system that works 😉

    Screw the planning. You have everything you need to succeed inside you. Make your lists as you can, and soon you’ll be doing all kinds of awesome planning in a new country.

    • TyrannyofPink
      9th January 2018

      Thank you Zoe, I feel like the world is constantly testing just how strong I can be – well take that universe because I’m not done yet lol. Okay seriously though, this has been the most exhausting and draining experience of my life but I need to just focus on the why! Always the why and that makes it easier I think.

      SA shipping is RIDICULOUS. Guess I’ll just head off to TYPO and get a regular diary there. Ha, I can’t bloody wait for all he things that work over there!!

      Thank you for the incredible and never ending support. It means SO much to me! xoxo

  • Celeste Jonkers
    8th January 2018

    I love that you have your word for the year. And judging by this post, definitely the right attitude. My wish for you is that your planner comes soon and that New Zealand welcomes you with open arms when you get there because get there you will.

    Gosh I’ve been jotting things down in a notebook since I don’t have a planner yet either. Only discovered this oversight last week. This is my “Yes Year” where I am willing to go out of my comfort zone and say yes to many things I’d usually frown upon. Technically I’m a third into it since I started a few months ago but so far so good.

    • TyrannyofPink
      Celeste Jonkers
      8th January 2018

      Celeste, thank you! I read the first paragraph and burst into tears. I feel like I’m trying so hard to be positive and that from the outside I look ridiculous because “when is she going to give up already?” but I’m not ready to give up and your belief in me means so much!!

      Ha, I started using a notebook yesterday too. It seems to be doing the right things so far…letting me make notes. But I literally put one thing into it “Get to NZ” hehehe… I hope your Yes Year brings you many many new and wonderful adventures!! Xoxo

  • Bonnie
    8th January 2018

    Courage is a brilliant word for you. You are the bravest, strongest woman I know. And stealing fron Simone I’m going to have faith that everything will work out for all of us in 2018. Here’s to big changes and the courage and faith to carry us through them.
    Love you ♥.

    • TyrannyofPink
      8th January 2018

      Thanks mum, I really appreciate that! Couldn’t do it without you <3 Love you!

  • Simone
    8th January 2018

    I love to plan and yet, whats frustrating for me as well is that i havent found a great planner yet. I mean there are some great ones out there, but i havent found THE ONE yet! As you have chosen your word courage for this year, I have done something similar because with or without planning, i have FAITH that all my goals will be met for this year. Goodluck my friend! Wishing you well on your move to New Zealand, I’m sure you will be moving soon!

    • TyrannyofPink
      8th January 2018

      Thank you so much my love, I really appreciate that! I love that you have faith, it’s so important to keep track of what really matters. We may be planners but I reckon having the perfect planner isn’t what makes us planners, it’s what’s in our hearts and minds <3

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