Putting yourself first does not make you selfish!
I don’t know how else to say it so that I myself will listen and understand and most importantly believe the truth to this.
I struggle, like most other people do, to accept that sometimes I need to be a little bit selfish and just say no or not attend an event or not have a conversation and sometimes, let go of relationships that no longer serve my purpose or bring me pleasure and just put myself first.
[bctt tweet=”If you have the ability to love, love yourself first. ― Charles Bukowski” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
The darkness takes control
This last week has been hard on me because I’ve become increasingly aware of how depressed I’m getting. The more trials and tribulations I experience with Home Affairs, the harder it is to be happy in my day-to-day life. A life where if I’m honest, it’s not much of a life because we have emotionally checked out of this world and we are already living in our new life, in New Zealand.
It’s hard to make changes.
Recently, in a disagreement I said “I am not my depression” and the person responded with “oh well that really doesn’t seem the case” and I sat and thought it through for a while. It’s possible that it was said in the heat of the moment but it’s also possible that I’ve started allowing myself to be sucked into negativity and instead of clawing my way out of it, I’m just letting myself feel and express the truth.
It’s great to be and say what you feel and what you mean but it’s also important to acknowledge that we have a role to play in emerging from those dark places.
[bctt tweet=”The future depends on what you do today. ― Mahatma Gandhi” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
We can choose to get help and see someone who we can talk to. We can choose to get medicated. We can choose to change our diet, our actions, our social environment etc and sometimes it means letting go of people too!
It’s hard to acknowledge above all other things that relationships are sometimes best over. It’s not always in your best interest (or theirs) to keep trying and trying and trying and trying when you can see that things are not what they used to be.
[bctt tweet=”Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself – what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. Recreate and repeat. ― Warsan Shire” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
“As you ramble on through life, Brother,
Whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the doughnut,
And not upon the hole.”
― Margaret Atwood,
I made the choice
I made the choice to stop putting in energy with people who don’t bring me happiness.
I made the choice to stop putting energy into activities that don’t bring me happiness.
I made the choice to leave all the noise out of my life. Any groups or online groups that overwhelm me are no longer in my best interest. I cannot handle the constant beeping of my phone. It makes me anxious and I need to cut that out of my life.
I made the choice to stop being so connected to my phone. I respond to messages when I want to. I don’t write emails on the weekend. I don’t check my Facebook obsessively.
I made the choice to be more present in my own life.
“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
― George Harrison
I made the choice to spend more time listening to and talking to my toddler. My role with him is primarily loving. He plays with his dad. He cuddles with me. I don’t want to only be involved in some of his life. So I choose to actively be more present in his play.
I made the choice to accept that my life right now is what it is. I am stuck here until my paperwork is sorted which means I need to act like this is still my life. I need to actively engage in my regular life because otherwise I feel like it’s lost. It isn’t.
I made the choice to be more patient. Less anxious. More accepting.
And perhaps most significant for me is that I’ve chosen to lose weight and I know that I won’t get thinner by sitting on my bum all day so I have made the choice to be more active. And the truth is, since making this decision, I’ve exercised every single day. Because I am not happy in my own body but I have the power to change that.
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Putting yourself first may initially seem really selfish but really, it’s the ultimate act of self-love. I have the choice to change my situation and my choices are not meant to be selfish to another person – they are simply about putting me first and saying I choose me. Because I do. I choose my life and I choose to be present in it!
“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. ” – Steve Maraboli
Spirited Mama says
Definitely an act of self-love! I am so wanting to keep everyone else happy and pleased that I neglect me. Cheers to more self-love for BOTH of us 🙂
Cheers to us!! <3
Diana Studer says
It is incredibly frustrating being stuck in limbo, when your body is here, but your head and heart are there. We took a year to sell our Porterville house.
One day you will look back on this as Before.
But I have also been counting down in Switzerland … till we could come home to where my heart always is, in Cape Town.
That feeling of being neither here nor there is so tough. There is no where quite like home and the longer we wait, the more time we have to question if we are doing the right thing by leaving behind everyone we love. I would like very much to just rip the band aid off. I hope you’re at least enjoying your time in Switzerland (and all the cold) and not just counting down the days to get home! x
Megan Kelly Botha says
YES! to all of this! I relate so much to everything you’ve written.
So hard to put ourselves first but so very necessary!
Veronica Bettencourt says
It might sound strange but after reading this I sighed… I think it was my way of acknowledging how much I can relate to this. Loving yourself and being a bit selfish is so important, I tend to over-extend myself and then become so disappointed in myself when I’m not able to keep everyone else happy, let alone myself. I need to stop that, I need to do what I can and accept what I can’t.
Reading this has helped 🙂 thank you
Thank you Veronica and I am really glad it helped!
I am a complete over achiever and I often feel like taking time out for myself isn’t using my time wisely when there are so many other more important things to do.
It’s important to remind ourselves that if we don’t take the time out for ourselves then we are very likely to do a terrible job at keeping others happy anyway!
Here’s to more ME time!!
Very well said love. You need to take care of you. Big hugs and lots of love xoxo
Thanks mom! xox
Celeste Jonkers says
Sending hugs ❤ Would send wine too too. But I don’t think Carbenet Virtual will hit the spot.
Read this and thought “Yes! Someone gets me.” Putting yourself first is not selfish at all.
hahahah thanks lady! Virtual wine – it’s the thought that counts right 😛
It’s HARD but damn it’s necessary!! Glad it resonated!
sending you giant hugs my friend
All the love! Thanks for being here always <3
Self-care. Acknowledging your own needs and accepting your vulnerabilities, recognising when you are stuck in a rut of negativity and finding a way to move through the process is not easy, but it is doable. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have prepared for a different life only to be stalled by “paperwork” – you are resilient and you are right, you have to move forward even if in the wrong country for a little while longer.
PS- the best conversations are the ones we have with our kids ?
Thanks Chev! It’s freaking hard hey and I’ve basically been drowning trying to find my way though this but this last week,I’ve slept for the first time in a while and I’m waking up feeling like I’ve got this! I’m not going to sit back and watch my life happen to me anymore! I can’t wait for those conversations with my son! <3