We finally got our visas – all of them – last week Thursday!
A year and two months after making the decision to leave, we are off and we leave in ten days. Ten days! I think we are somewhere on a spectrum between brave and absolutely completely insane. I think probably more insane.
We’ve been planning this a year but we have ten days now to get everything done and it feels like we can do this but it’s also a lot of why on earth are we doing this.
We are seeing so many people in these days – people who we don’t know when or if we will see again. So much changes in just a few days never mind the years that it will most likely be before we come back. It’s scary. Not just a little scary but a lot scary.
I find myself rushing from room to room sorting things out and suddenly I’m sitting on the floor in a puddle of tears for the life and the people I will be leaving behind. People we have grown to love more and can’t imagine a life without. Family and family that we have chosen for ourselves. People we can not replace.
The truth is, I suppose that we will build a new life with new friends and new places with meaning but it doesn’t take away the hurt for what we are leaving behind. We know we chose this. We know it was our choice to uproot our lives and change everything and we KNOW that we could decide to just stay but this is our dream. It’s what I’ve been dreaming of for almost a lifetime.
Ironically, while I’m sitting here typing this, I’m listening to Korn and these lyrics just seemed so appropriate….
“Did My Time”
Sometimes I feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren’t we suppose to be the same
That’s why I will never tame
This thing that’s burning in meI am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn’t last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing meSometimes I can never tell
If I’ve got something after me
That’s why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren’t we suppose to be the same
That’s why I will never tame
This thing that’s burning in meI am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn’t last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing meBetrayed
I feel so enslaved
I really Tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn’t last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Oh God, the anger’s changing me [x2]
Anyway back to the point.
Saying good-bye is so hard, even if it’s what you’ve chosen!
10 Comments
ChevsLife
That’s a lot of packing and crying in the next 10 days! Your dream is now a reality and that is VERY exciting.
TyrannyofPink
ChevsLifeSOOO much packing and crying and crying and packing and then a whole new adventure!!
Melissa Javan
All the best Jonelle. 10 days?!!!!!! I’m excited for you. It’s going to be awesome.
TyrannyofPink
Melissa JavanEEEEK!! Thank you Melissa! I am soooo over joyed!
Zoe Hawkins
So excited for you! As one who has done it – yes, it is hard. yes, it is chaos. Yes, it stays hard on the other side for a while as you try to get on your feet. But most importantly – YES, it is SO worth it. You are building an amazing new life for your family. Sure, your kid might identify as a Kiwi, but I’m sure you’ll instill a love of South Africa in him, too, in your own way. No matter what happens, you’ll be able to enjoy a safe, amazing new life together in a fabulous country. Just keep breathing and get through the next few days – even more adventure awaits!
TyrannyofPink
Zoe HawkinsI wish I could tell you how much strength your journey has given me. I keep reminding myself that you did it and you got through it and I can make this happen. Thank you for the reminder Zoe. I’ll be crying to you on the other side soon enough!! Eek!!!
Janine Horton
Hi Jonelle! I am following your story with great interest as we are only a few steps behind you….we are moving to Wellies in August/September… Eish…it is a difficult decision and I almost feel like we are going to die and be reborn because we are going into the great unknown where we don’t know anybody….Eish..
But what an adventure!!! All our friends are supportive….only my parents are unhappy about us leaving as I have a toddler that they adore…..good luck for the last few days!!!! Embrace your new adventure and just know your friends and family will always love you….Why did you choose NZ if I may ask?
TyrannyofPink
Janine HortonHi Janine, oh wow, how exciting! I really know what you mean, our mothers have both been really struggling to deal with us taking our son away from them – especially so far. And really, who can blame them! I’m sure your parents, like ours do know deep down inside that this is a good choice! It’s such a massive change and so exciting and please do get in touch when you arrive in Wellington – or if you need advice once I get there. Do you know where about you will be staying? We are looking at the Kapiti coast but the commute may kill me.
I visited New Zealand when I was 18 and I fell in love. I applied to university there but I didn’t get in… I’ve always had this dream. When we were looking to move, my husband found that Wellington university has the perfect PhD programme for him so it felt like fate!
Thank you for the support, I know that our toddlers are about to have a whole stressful upheaval and we will question every choice but it will be worth it. I just know!
Belinda Mountain
Wow good luck Jonelle! I have other friends emigrating to Canada next week and I’m sure the feelings are similar. Look forward to hearing about your adventures in NZ though (and so glad it’s all worked out with the passport issues etc!)
TyrannyofPink
Belinda MountainThanks so much Belinda! It’s the weirdest feeling – being SO excited and also so terrified!
I will be certain to share all my adventures online, I suspect I will have heaps of time to write while I job hunt!
Weirdly, your comment was in spam, normally I just delete all but luckily today I checked! <3