Kia kaha New Zealand!

Gees, I write this but I’m sick to my stomach. This weekend has been all kinds of disgusting and honestly, I don’t even know how to process this. So many lives lost and for what? Ignorance? Supremacy? Stupidity?

I don’t know. I keep thinking this is sick or maybe he is sick but then I think mental illness is too easy to blame. No, this was just terrorism and that isn’t mental health. This guy was just a fucking psychopath.

My heart breaks. For the people who call this home, for those who have turned to New Zealand, to find safety and peace. The people who were saying their prayers. Who had gathered, to worship. And then this. They had done nothing wrong – except maybe, being born too brown. Too different. Too Muslim.

I can’t deal with this.

I walked home last night, alone in the dark and I was afraid for the first time. For what? Because if that could happen then I’m living in a false sense of security. And New Zealand isn’t so safe after all. But I just keep thinking, if this is how I feel, imagine what Muslim people are going to feel like now. Scared, afraid at every single turn.

I grieve for the loss of peace in this country. I grieve for the loss of so many lives. Children too. I hold my son a little tighter and I am thankful, that what? That we aren’t targets? FUCK. What did all those people do to deserve to die. They did absolutely nothing wrong.

I know this kind of thing happens all around the world. The fact that it happened here rather than somewhere else doesn’t make it more or less tragic, just tragic. I can’t believe THIS happened. So many people are saying to me that they can’t believe this happened “in New Zealand” and yes, it’s so fucked up. And yes, this is a peaceful nation but this hatred happens ANYWHERE. This time, it just happened here. I think I hope that if nothing else, this makes people more aware of the damage they are doing online – spewing racism all the time.

Openly talking about “the fucking refugees” and how “they are taking up all the X, Y, Z” and realise that THIS kind of conversation is why assholes like this terrorist think this is justified.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. Honestly, I don’t.

I guess I’m just sad. I’m sad and I’m shocked and I feel helpless. My heart bleeds for the loss of life and the loss of peace. But I know I won’t keep quiet and let racism ever be okay. Will you?

Kia kaha New Zealand | Stay Strong!

This is not who we are!

Aroha nui.



  • Candice Royer
    19th March 2019

    When I was in college, I wrote a paper about people being shocked that murder happened in our community, but that it was not shocking. That it happens, and statistically, it’s going to happen at some point, so saying “I can’t believe this happened here,” is nonsense.
    Sadly, what I wrote in that paper applies today, and it applies worldwide. We’re shocked by these tragedies, and in one way, we should be. I don’t want us to normalize them by losing our sensitivity to them. That’s not what I’m saying. But we should never be surprised when it happens where we live. Not in today’s world. We’re none of us immune to tragedy, terrorism, or crime of any kind, because there are sick people all over the world. No country is free of racism, nationalism, xenophobia, or the like. All we can do is better educate our children. All we can do to improve our countries is to reach out to our neighbors, get to know them. Stop isolating ourselves.
    Have neighborhood parties again — block parties, neighborhood BBQs and pool parties, open houses, card parties, afternoon teas, etc. Take the time to get to know your neighbors. About who they are, their culture, their lives, and share yours.
    This is how we learn and grow. It’s how we fight intolerance. It’s how we teach, it’s how we prosper, it’s how we thrive.
    My heart breaks for New Zealand and the people who died while they prayed. I hope they are at peace, though the world is not.
    Since 9/11 — no, since the Oklahoma City bombing — I have felt no peace. I see my life in two worlds. One in a world safe, beautiful, kind, and carefree. And one where terror has lived in the back of my mind with every breath I take.
    I know that’s the life you face now. I’m sorry for it.

    • TyrannyofPink
      Candice Royer
      19th March 2019

      I think when you come from a country as violence as South Africa, it’s not all that shocking – as much as it still is. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s what you mention, being desensitised to all the violence happening every single day in your face. And then we move here and it’s not like that anymore… but now it is? It’s so confusing to be honest. The world is just so full of atrocious events. What I have taken from this is how united people can be. How instead of dividing the nation, he has brought hope and love into the public eye. I have never been afraid of “terror” per se and I don’t think I will start being so now – I guess it’s just a crap feeling to have the reminder that bad things happen to good people everywhere, not just “over there”…

      Thank you for your comment, I think we share the same sentiment and I agree, it is important to know your neighbours!

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