Gees, I write this but I’m sick to my stomach. This weekend has been all kinds of disgusting and honestly, I don’t even know how to process this. So many lives lost and for what? Ignorance? Supremacy? Stupidity?
I don’t know. I keep thinking this is sick or maybe he is sick but then I think mental illness is too easy to blame. No, this was just terrorism and that isn’t mental health. This guy was just a fucking psychopath.
My heart breaks. For the people who call this home, for those who have turned to New Zealand, to find safety and peace. The people who were saying their prayers. Who had gathered, to worship. And then this. They had done nothing wrong – except maybe, being born too brown. Too different. Too Muslim.
I can’t deal with this.
I walked home last night, alone in the dark and I was afraid for the first time. For what? Because if that could happen then I’m living in a false sense of security. And New Zealand isn’t so safe after all. But I just keep thinking, if this is how I feel, imagine what Muslim people are going to feel like now. Scared, afraid at every single turn.
I grieve for the loss of peace in this country. I grieve for the loss of so many lives. Children too. I hold my son a little tighter and I am thankful, that what? That we aren’t targets? FUCK. What did all those people do to deserve to die. They did absolutely nothing wrong.
I know this kind of thing happens all around the world. The fact that it happened here rather than somewhere else doesn’t make it more or less tragic, just tragic. I can’t believe THIS happened. So many people are saying to me that they can’t believe this happened “in New Zealand” and yes, it’s so fucked up. And yes, this is a peaceful nation but this hatred happens ANYWHERE. This time, it just happened here. I think I hope that if nothing else, this makes people more aware of the damage they are doing online – spewing racism all the time.
Openly talking about “the fucking refugees” and how “they are taking up all the X, Y, Z” and realise that THIS kind of conversation is why assholes like this terrorist think this is justified.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. Honestly, I don’t.
I guess I’m just sad. I’m sad and I’m shocked and I feel helpless. My heart bleeds for the loss of life and the loss of peace. But I know I won’t keep quiet and let racism ever be okay. Will you?
Kia kaha New Zealand | Stay Strong!
This is not who we are!