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You are here: Home / Blog / The strong confident woman

The strong confident woman

20th April 2021 By Jonelle 4 Comments

 

Confident black woman with flowers on her head and yellow background

Something people say to me, often quite flippantly is, “you’re so confident.” To them, I’m clearly this strong, confident woman.

I’ve heard this in many formats, versions, and telling’s over the last few years.

You’re so confident and outspoken. You don’t shy away. You are so brave. You are so confident. Repeated over and over again. As if this “confidence” is the silver spoon I was born with.

The gift of self-assurance.

The gift of knowing who I am and what I stand for.

Well, I will let you in on a little secret.

I’m still that trembling wall flower. My voice quivers. My pulse soars. My heart beats so hard in my chest that I think I might die.

I question and judge. I wonder and reassess. What if I sound dumb? What if they laugh at me? What if what if what if. What if they see I’m a fake? A fake what my own mind asks me? They’ll see me for the fraud I am. Someone underqualified.

So, I study something else. A qualification will fix that. Give me room to stand tall. Validate my voice. Some institution thinks I know what I’m talking about. I graduate. Again, and again.

And the doubt lingers still.

I question my voice. I doubt my opinions. I tremble and shake.

But I don’t back down.

I have questions and queries. I have a job to do.

I take a deep breath. I raise my voice a little louder than necessary. Over the deep stronger, confident voices that know for sure what they say and I ask and give, my opinions. So unsure.

And they listen. And they value. They value the words that I say.

And next time I will be braver. Stronger. More Confident.

A strong confident woman. 

Because this “confidence” that to others looks naturally born, is the work of years of practice. I raise my voice. And I speak up and I have value to add. But I doubt myself each and every time. What if. What if. When they took away our seat at the table. They told us our voices were not wanted. What if I silenced THAT voice? That tell me I have nothing to give.

So, I told them to get fucked. I am woman. Hear me roar.

My voice is valid.

My opinions are valid.

My ideas are valid.

I am enough.

A Strong, Confident Woman!

 

*hello stranger, it has been a while, did you miss me?

Filed Under: Blog, Reflections on Life Tagged With: accept yourself, confidence, confident women, self-love, women

Previous Post: « Migration Tales – New Zealand in the times of Covid-19
Next Post: No one reads blogs any more and Cheers to a Slower 2022 »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Melissa Javan says

    20th April 2021 at 10:30 pm

    You seem confident, I said through out this blog post because I feel like you are. But thanks for clarifying it, that you also have doubts 🙂

    Reply
    • Jonelle says

      22nd April 2021 at 12:03 pm

      Hi Melissa – I am confident, and it certainly comes across too in how I act but I guess my point is that even confident people feel nervous and that it’s important not to let that get in the way. I’m a huge introvert but people are surprised to hear that about me – because I’m very outspoken and confident. Fake it till you make it, I wasn’t always confident.

      Reply
  2. Bonnie says

    20th April 2021 at 10:00 pm

    Welcome back. I have missed you. Great post. You are amazing! ❤

    Reply
    • Jonelle says

      20th April 2021 at 10:22 pm

      Thank you n<3

      Reply

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Hi, I’m Jonelle

I write things, I make art, I like good food, wine, a whisky after a rough day and I’m always up for a new adventure. I believe we can all contribute to a better world and we should do it while living authentically. I answer to “mommy,” live in Wellington New Zealand with my family and work for Local Goverment. Welcome to my blog…

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