How do you forgive? You just do.
Seriously. I’m talking like it’s easy, if it were so easy we wouldn’t be carrying around all the baggage from our childhood, teenage life, mid-life crisis straight on into early retirement.
So how do we do it?
Again, you just do. No one said it’s easy but hell if you can get this one right you’re sorted. You wake up one day and you make a decision, you decide that from today on, you’re done. You’re done being stressed over the crap that bogs you down. You’re done holding grudges. Seriously, what is there to gain from that anyway?
My life would be awful if I spent every day thinking about all the wrongs that have been done to me. All the screw ups and mistakes that have happened. I’d be miserable.
If I held a grudge against every guy I ever dated who broke my heart there would be no room in my heart for love. If you look at this post I wrote about the assholes I’ve dated, you’ll see that it’s not worth it.
If I was resentful about the things that have been done to me, there would be no space for happiness.
I choose to be happy
I choose to let go of that crap that other people bring into my world. Sometimes you just have to let go. Of situations, of people, of baggage.
Only you have that magical power and it truly is special to just exhale and release it. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to get through this thing called life and some people are just better at it than others. I’d rather spend every second of every day working on my happiness than holding on to baggage from my past.
So instead, I remember it, I laugh sometimes and then I exhale… I let it go because you can’t move forward when you’re chained to your past.
People make mistakes, forgive them
If you can’t forgive them, let it go. Just banish it into a part of the world that no one visits…… and be happy.
I agree; it isn’t easy! So says me, who hasn’t yet learned to ‘let go’. I wonder if it’s more difficult when it’s the same person doing the damage or when it’s coming from people you know should love and support you no matter what? Or it’s been coming from loads of different people throughout your life? Or if it’s just part of your diagnosis? I admit, I’m still carrying baggage but I really don’t know if I’m bearing grudges or not (recognising emotions are not so easy for me; a legacy :()
Tina, forgiveness is a double edged thing. One can’t keep forgiving someone who does the same thing over and over. Forgiveness is really something that can only exist in a situation where healing is wanted mutually. Otherwise, it doesn’t stand a chance. I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself but rather assess the relationship. Sometimes, it’s better to pick up that baggage and move on because otherwise – there can never be healing.
Hi Jonelle, you’re so right! The key to happiness is to let go! There is no greater gift you can give to yourself than to forgive. It is liberating. Good for you. great post, keep on keeping on!
Hi Monica, thank you! I’ve just found that the only way I can be happy in my own life is to forgive the wrongs done by others. I think you’ve got to really try and see the wrong doings of others as their baggage – not yours and that makes forgiving them easier. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more, Jonelle.
It’s so much easier in theory. I’ve done a lot of the push it down and forget thing…it doesn’t quite work either. *sigh* One day when I’m a grown-up, it might work.
I think the difference is knowing if someone is worth forgiving.. it’s a lot easier to forgive is that person really means it and if we think the relationship is worth salvaging? Perhaps? Sometimes – it’s easier to just know that the relationship won’t survive any amount of forgiveness and it’s just time to let go!
In theory I agree but sometimes it is a little easier said than done but I do try 🙂
I agree Laura. It’s much easier said than done but with practice it gets easier and feels amazing. 🙂
Nicely said. I’d add that sometimes you have to re-forgive someone. At times it can be a daily task to decide to forgive them again and again if you are reliving the pain they put you through.
Eventually it will be a habit to forgive rather than gripe.
http://www.themiddlesister.co.uk/2015/07/mcqueen-exhibition.html
Alice, I agree with you fully! Sometimes, we have to go through the pricess over and over again… eventually though, when real forgiveness happens, that will be the last time I think. It’s more about letting ourselves live again without holding on to the anger.
A habit of forgiveness. I like the way that sounds.
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