The year, started off quite nicely. Nothing fancy, just a little celebration in our home. A good way to bring in the new year. Half way through the year however, my grandfather became ill and discovered that he had already-too-advanced-to-bother-with-treatment-cancer. We basically waited for the next couple of months for the inevitable. He deteriorated very rapidly and died soon after that. My grandmother has since been slipping away into a world where her dementia allows her to cope with her grief. Did I mention he died while I was in
I always thought to myself that sudden death was the worst kind on those who are left behind. I thought that dying without notice and without getting to say goodbye was the most selfish of all acts. After all, we are left behind with all our questions and our unfinished conversations. We are left to wonder, on our own. We are left without knowing what could have been. We are left. Recently, I’ve discovered that an illness, that comes either gradually, or over a long and drawn out period of
Do you know those moments when you’ve just gotten really bad news and you don’t know what to do with yourself? I’m currently having one of those moments. I’ve tried to work and been so distracted that I gave up so I decided to watch series but I have no idea what I just watched so I decided to mess around on the internet but then I didn’t know where to even start so I found myself back here. Writing. As far back as I can remember, writing has brought
She lay her hand on my pregnant belly and I hated myself for thinking what if that’s the last time. I looked at her hand, shaking and covered in wrinkles and I wondered if my son would ever see her smile. I can’t help wondering how little time they have left. I can’t help myself from feeling like the world is about to cheat me. As if them dying is somehow about me. It isn’t. It simply is what it is. Oh to be young and naive When we’re young,
I try to be positive. I honestly believe that thinking negatively gets you nowhere but sometimes you wake up and the world just seems like a fucking crap place. Maybe that’s somehow supposed to teach me to be more grateful but maybe it just is what it is. Just a really crap day. On Wednesday I heard some pretty bad news. Well, it was news about a member of my family with a tumour which has the potential to be cancerous. I feel like the world is kicking me in the teeth.
It’s no secret that I’ve had my fair share of experience with death. It went something along the lines of, never having had experienced the death of a loved one to the loss of a cousin, cousin’s husband, aunt, father, great-grandmother and grandmother all in the space of a few years. Death fucking sucks There is no way around that. There are no euphemisms that change the way it makes you feel. The bereaved… sounds so friendly. Death is not friendly. The deceased. Cut the crap. Just call a spade
This post is heavy. Obviously. It’s about grief. It’s about coping with grief. I just think when you spend so much time thinking about how you can be happy in the world, its important to address the challenges that make you unhappy too and let’s face it, grief is one of those things. If there’s one thing I’m pretty experienced in, it’s loss. How much does that suck? I’ve heard all the words of comfort that there are to hear and people are just doing the best that they can
Disclaimer: Due to the nature of this post it may be offensive to some. Please note that my intention is not to offend anyone nor is it my intention to cause discomfort. My blog posts are based on my personal experiences and death and religion are two topics that have had a profound impact on my life. There are times in your life that really define you. Moments that can clearly be described as before and after moments. Before I learned to walk, after my parents got divorced, before I