Tyranny of Pink

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I’ve been having an awful week – and it just got worse

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SO depression is no joke.

Everything in the world is wonderful but for some reason, there you are, sitting around crying.

FOR. NO. GOOD. REASON.

I have no idea what the actual fuck is going on in my mind this week.

Work wise, everything was going SO well, my blog is going exactly how I want it to, I finally have a sense of direction and purpose and know what I want out of this blog, I’ve even created a The Empowered Woman Programme  that I want to offer individuals and later on, corporate groups and women’s groups and yet I’m a mess. I shouldn’t be – not when career wise everything is GREAT!

My cousin/best friend/closest thing I’ll ever have to a sister is moving to Germany this week. She left last night and I can only think that her departure is the reason that my brain is reacting like this.

I’m teary and emotional and a mess.

I’m crying for no reason and feeling so sorry for myself.

I keep trying to pull myself together but then I broke out in hives from stress – I didn’t even realise that I’m THAT stressed

So now I’m not sleeping properly because it’s impossible to sleep when you’re itchy as fuck.

AND THEN

I had no inspiration to write anything that I actually wanted to write

ENTER A MILLION SOBBING TEARS and a post about how crap I feel.

The thing is, I know that this is so ridiculous. I know that this is #FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS right here but I can’t help it.

I just feel so down.

I’ve started to acknowledge the fact that my once very close, all up in each others business family, is not what it used to be. Last night it hit me that my grandparents were the thing that kept my family together.

We’d all spend time together at their home. With them gone, we are all just singular units of little family all over the place. There is no more “Christmas at granny and grandpas” and that breaks my heart.

I would have loved for Oden to grow up knowing what family time was like when we were all together. All loud and boisterous with no filter, no off buttons and no giving each other personal space. Driving each other mad.  We fought a lot but we loved each other too.

Now that’s gone

and I’m sitting here crying because I feel uninspired to write

THIS TOO SHALL PASS – won’t it? Fuck I hope so.

Hope your week is going better than mine!

Send me happiness!

And let me know what you think of The Empowered Woman Programme and if there’s anything you personally would like to see as part of the programme. I need something to focus my energy on!

 

[bctt tweet=”I am not my depression and I will beat this! #MentalHealth ” username=”tyrannyofpink”]

 

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Comments

  3. I agree….This time of year brings about these feelings. Christmas is not what it was, family is not what it was. I’m a family…ride or die kind of gal. My siblings, mom and I are close, but my in laws not so much. My kids barely know their aunts on that side so that saddens me.

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down! I hope There’s some happy rays coming your way….and maybe it makes you feel better knowing it’s normal this time of year. Apparently even the suicide rate is higher this time of year.

    • Thank you Simone! It does help knowing I’m not alone but it’s sad to think that so many people are sad right now!
      I’m lucky to have a great family and great in laws but it’s just sad that my family are spreading more and more across the world.

      Thanks so much for the support. I really appreciate it <3

  5. It will pass . . . we all have these moments, even when things are going great. Jonelle, your “#firstworldproblem”” is also deserving of acknowledgement and support because you matter. Sending you happiness, xoxo

  6. sending you a big hug or a sitting-beside-you-while-you-cry presence today. i so appreciate your honesty- in this post, and in all the others.

    • Thank you so much Rachel! Really appreciate this! Today is much better and it’s definitely because of all this support sent my way <3

  7. Oh Jonelle – I also get depressed at times. That bloody black dog will not let off easily. My only advice apart from meds is exercise – it works, I promise. And chocolate – always chocolate

    • Exercise is AMAZING and I’ve been so good at it but with these hives my thighs rub and it gets more itchy ugh probably too much information there 😛 Sorry. BUT CHOCOLATE!! YESSSS always chocolate.