If you’ve ever loved someone and they’ve died, you know what I’m on about. You know that the pain and suffering you feel long outlasts the patience of the people around you.
It’s been a year, isn’t it enough already? They ask you!
But the truth is, when it comes to death, the passage of time comes to a stand still and though the years may pass you are forever trapped in the time you had together. The time before death arrived.
You think about them and you miss them. And as the years pass by, you find it easier to carry on through your day as if it was just any other day. On the outside. But the truth is, it’s never the same on the inside.
You learn to cope. You learn to act accordingly. You learn to be “fine” publicly. You learn to stifle back the tears. Those tears that make others feel uncomfortable.
It is only those who themselves know death intimately that understand your struggle.
The rest will support you with furore for a while. But the truth is, that doesn’t last forever.
For eventually, even they will tire. They will grow weary of your “sad stories.” They will wonder amongst themselves why you “always have to be so depressed.”
And you in turn will learn to hold in your memories and your longing. You will learn to play your stories over and over in your head because you know that when they ask “how are you?” they don’t really truly care.
For no matter how much we think we understand… until death knocks on the door of our own home, we don’t know what it feels like or that the sadness never really ends.
So the next time you roll your eyes because “here they go again”, on about the person they loved that died and wonder why they can’t let go already… know that recovering from the loss that only death brings, doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen at all.
Know that patience, time, understanding and compassion are the only things that heal.
There is no overnight solution to “getting over grief.” More than you wish we’d “get over it,” the grieving long to forget, to let go and to live like we used to.
You don’t get over grief, you get through it every day for the rest of your life!
[bctt tweet=”You never really get over someone dying, you just learn to cope better #Grief” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
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I did not know that people actually say things like “It’s been a year, isn’t it enough already?” – I cannot comprehend this. Loss is loss, no amount of time will ever be enough in the absence of someone you love.
Yup, it’s ridiculous but people genuinely don’t know that it takes time. They get so annoyed because it’s been a little longer than they think is okay! Your words are so true!
Exactly.
I know you know exactly how I feel <3
Brilliant post. So well said and heartfelt. We never really get over it, we just learn to wear our masks in public. Then when we are alone ….. Big hugs and lots of love ♡♡♡♡♡
<3 Exactly!
I couldn’t have said it better! You really have a way with words and your website looks beautiful!
Thank you very much Rolene! I appreciate that <3
So true this post – I think we forget these things, having empathy for people who’s had a loss. Some deal with it better than others.
I think a lot of people think it’s like breaking a leg, eventually it heals and the pain goes away. But it doesn’t! <3