I saw a meme on Facebook yesterday that said these simple words; she’s strong but she’s exhausted (r.h. Sin). I had to stop for a minute and read it again and I thought, that’s me! That’s exactly me. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m tired all the time, I’m drained, I feel like life and living is impossible. I find myself questioning all the time how I could have stayed alive to be where I am right now. A place where nothing seems to be going right. I’m not my old self. Just a washed out and exhausted version of the person I used to be. I find myself falling asleep on the couch these days while watching TV. That’s not like me.
I’ve been feeling so run down. I wake up and I feel like I haven’t slept even for a second, even when I’ve been asleep for 8 or 9 hours. My rest is never restful. I thought, I must have something wrong with me so I went to see a Doctor and he confirmed what I thought anyway. There’s nothing physically wrong with me.
[bctt tweet=”Depression isn’t always in a recognisable form #MentalHealth ” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
He said these words and I hated admitting that I’d thought them the whole time. It’s probably mental, stress, depression or something along those lines. In his words, a combination of them.
And it’s obviously that isn’t it. After the last year. My mental health is a mess. I’m run down and emotionally broken. It takes a lot out of you to stay strong and keep fighting when every part of you wants to just run away and curl up into a ball somewhere.
So he suggested putting me on a mild anti-depressant for a three-month period to help me cope with the stress.
I feel like I’ve failed at being strong but the truth is that even a strong person sometimes just needs a little help staying up. Even the strongest person falls down occasionally. What’s hard is that I’m not depressed outwardly, I don’t FEEL depressed and I’m not sad. My life is wonderful and I’m happy. I’m in the exact place I want to be but I’m so tired. I’m just exhausted.
I think sometimes the hard thing about dealing with mental health issues is when we don’t necessarily FEEL like we need the help.
I took my first pill last night and had the first restful sleep in ages. I know it’s really soon but I feel like I’m going to be okay.
Of course you are exhausted! You’ve lived a lifetime of the hero’s journey in a short period.
Thank you for connecting people through your vulnerability.
Thank you Shannon, I think talking about it is therapy and at the same time, it helps others know that they aren’t alone!
Hi Jonelle, I feel for you 🙂 You are very brave and strong but, damn, that’s so tiring sometimes. You’ve made the right decision to take care of yourself and seek help. You do need it after everything you’ve been through. Give yourself time, lots of time <3
Thank you so much Vilina! It just seems ridiculous that after everything I’ve been through NOW, I’m falling apart. Like I know my body can’t just keep taking knock after knock but I really just feel surprised that it didn’t happen sooner. Thanks for the lovely comment <3
Meds ftw!
Hahaha Indeed!
So glad you took that first step towards helping yourself be yourself again. Proud of you. ♡♡♡
Thank you Mom <3 Me too!