I saw a meme on Facebook yesterday that said these simple words; she’s strong but she’s exhausted (r.h. Sin). I had to stop for a minute and read it again and I thought, that’s me! That’s exactly me. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m tired all the time, I’m drained, I feel like life and living is impossible. I find myself questioning all the time how I could have stayed alive to be where I am right now. A place where nothing seems to be going right. I’m not my old self. Just a washed out and exhausted version of the person I used to be. I find myself falling asleep on the couch these days while watching TV. That’s not like me.
I’ve been feeling so run down. I wake up and I feel like I haven’t slept even for a second, even when I’ve been asleep for 8 or 9 hours. My rest is never restful. I thought, I must have something wrong with me so I went to see a Doctor and he confirmed what I thought anyway. There’s nothing physically wrong with me.
[bctt tweet=”Depression isn’t always in a recognisable form #MentalHealth ” username=”tyrannyofpink”]
He said these words and I hated admitting that I’d thought them the whole time. It’s probably mental, stress, depression or something along those lines. In his words, a combination of them.
And it’s obviously that isn’t it. After the last year. My mental health is a mess. I’m run down and emotionally broken. It takes a lot out of you to stay strong and keep fighting when every part of you wants to just run away and curl up into a ball somewhere.
So he suggested putting me on a mild anti-depressant for a three-month period to help me cope with the stress.
I feel like I’ve failed at being strong but the truth is that even a strong person sometimes just needs a little help staying up. Even the strongest person falls down occasionally. What’s hard is that I’m not depressed outwardly, I don’t FEEL depressed and I’m not sad. My life is wonderful and I’m happy. I’m in the exact place I want to be but I’m so tired. I’m just exhausted.
I think sometimes the hard thing about dealing with mental health issues is when we don’t necessarily FEEL like we need the help.
I took my first pill last night and had the first restful sleep in ages. I know it’s really soon but I feel like I’m going to be okay.